tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65928458022162180952024-03-04T20:55:44.753-08:00Solace of submissionUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger133125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-76011025583913118742014-05-25T15:26:00.000-07:002014-05-25T15:31:39.543-07:00Thoughts on protection I am pretty sure that i have written about the protection in the past, but i wanted to share more thoughts on this subject.<br />
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It's always been my belief that their are I/individuals W/who can't defend T/themselves. Although i really don't have much use of my limbs and am bounded to a ventilator, i still wanted to be a voice for T/those W/who found T/themselves in situations that were dangerous in nature and precipitated by another P/person.<br />
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While in pursuit of earning a degree in Criminal Justice, in hopes of changing the World, i was ignoring someone that was close to me, who was in the very situation that i wanted to protect P/people from. Y/you see, my best friend at the time, had a on again and off again Master Who degraded her and was in short, a predator. After i learned the tools to help I/individuals like my friend, the opportunity to help her, came too late. Three months after i graduated college, my friend passed away. Although my friend had health problems and other issues, it is believed by a few that my friend took her own life, due to the emotional trauma her ex Master caused her. After her passing, i swore to myself that i would never become owned to a predator. Little did i know that i would have to eat my words.<br />
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At the age of twenty-five, i met a man Who would be the first to capture my heart. Unfortunately, He turned out to be a mirror image of my deceased friend's ex Dominant. My ex Master told me that i was not worldly and made me feel that i was worthless as a person and as a submissive. After fourteen months of being with my ex Dominant, i left Him. Although it's been almost two years since i escaped my ex Dominant's clutches, i am still left with the humiliation and feeling of failure of myself of getting into a situation like that. The only things that are consolations for me, is that i now am better able to assist P/people in situations like these, the discovery of the love i have for the polyamory lifestyle and that i relearned that i can protect myself.<br />
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I urge E/everybody that are in similar situations to take measures to protect Y/yourself or seek help for those occasions that are beyond Y/you. Always remember that a relationship, regardless of its lifestyle basis, is to enhance the P/person that Y/you already are, not take away.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-17119951443164842372014-05-17T21:33:00.001-07:002014-05-17T21:36:43.537-07:00Equality in polyamoryI have a simple question for E/everybody that are in poly relationships. Can a Dominant or switch successfully give all of Their submissives an equal amount of time and love? I know the answer will depend on how large a family is, but i am asking in a general manner.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-53568102192949950592014-05-08T19:13:00.000-07:002014-05-08T19:13:26.356-07:00Are Dominants responsible for caring for a submissive who's disabled?Life can throw U/us M/many curveballs. They say that W/we will never be given something that W/we can't handle. But do W/we sometimes take responsibility for things that W/we shouldn't? For example, what if a Dominant falls in love with a submissive who is or becomes severely disabled, should the Dominant be that girl or boy's primary caregiver? And what happens if a Dominant has more than one submissive? Should His or Her abled bodied submissives help care for their disabled chain sister or brother?<br />
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I await Y/your responses.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-57157939153640545902014-04-20T21:49:00.003-07:002014-04-20T21:49:48.430-07:00Happy Easter, Happy Passover and Happy Spring 2014From A/all of U/us at SOS, Happy Easter, Happy Passover and Happy Spring!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-62758483500584292062014-03-10T15:18:00.000-07:002014-03-10T15:18:39.347-07:00Being absorbed into the vanilla world Wwe A/all have responsibilities and activities that W/we do that outside the D/s and M/s lifestyles. But what happens when Y/you are enjoying the pastimes and commitments that are in the vanilla part of Y/your life, than the ones in Y/your D/s or M/s one?<br />
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For example, as of late. i have been doing alot of vanilla activities. I haven't had much time to attend many D/s or M/s events. As each day passes, i feel less of a desire to participate in D/s or M/s affairs.<br />
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<br />What does E/everybody think about this?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-28962399984291034512013-12-28T13:39:00.000-08:002013-12-28T13:39:17.189-08:00No service needed?I recently read a section of a website that was like a "Dear Abby" piece. Someone asked if she could still be considered a submissive if she wasn't into submissive. The person who answered her said that service doesn't have to be apart of a D/s or M/s dynamic.<br />
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What do Y/you A/all think?<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-66396791214712407052013-09-16T17:35:00.001-07:002013-09-16T17:35:16.551-07:00SceningThis past weekend, I got introduced to the idea that scenes doesn't have to include sex. What does E/everybody think about this?<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-89263808890611684042013-09-08T16:48:00.001-07:002013-09-08T16:50:38.983-07:00Hair of submissives and slaves I read an interesting article on another website and it made me realize something that the piece didn't really mention. Did Y/you know that Y/you can look at S/someone's hair and possibly tell whether T/they are a submissive or not? Don't believe me? L/let's look at some facts. In many cultures, there are rules on how O/one is required to wear T/their hair; especially for W/women. Some ethnicities require its M/members to cover T/their heads completely. For T/those who follow practices such as these, are SUBMITTING to a chosen culture or creed, whether they realize it or not.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-87337032980467431902013-09-01T18:42:00.002-07:002013-09-01T18:42:54.083-07:00Chivalry and the BDSM lifestyle While a submissive or slave will serve their owner within their limits, can we expect a Dom/me to be chivalrous towards us or is this something that is not prevalent in this type of dynamic?<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-40064320046486384422013-08-25T19:57:00.001-07:002013-08-25T19:57:51.271-07:00Obedience As submissives and slaves, we are expected to serve the One that owns us. But what happens when we are given a task to complete and after so many attempts of completing it, we can't for some reason and our owner grows impatient with us? How can we handle situations like this?<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-24121891066042582982013-08-19T00:15:00.000-07:002013-08-19T00:15:44.337-07:00Subspace outside of intimacy Most of U/us know about subspace. But M/many may not know that subspace can occur outside of intimacy. One example of this is when i dance in SL, that i actually go into subspace. <br />
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As A/alot of U/us know, subspace happens when the sympathetic nervous system responds, which makes endorphins and epinephrines flow throughout the brain. Basically when these chemicals are released, the person goes into a trancelike state. Being that epinephrine and endorphins are part of the fight or flight response, it makes sense that subspace can occur in times when T/those are not engaged in a sexual activity.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-20009767128183138742013-08-12T00:05:00.000-07:002013-08-12T00:12:44.193-07:00Empowerment For T/those W/who know me through my writing and/or in person, know that my journey as a submissive hasn't been easy. In the first blog post that i wrote for SOS, i gave E/everybody a glimpse into my last relationship and the effects it had on me. It's been over a year since my ex Master and i have parted ways and i wanted to give Y/you A/all an update on how i am doing.<br />
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I honestly didn't have any plans in writing this post, as i didn't want to burden P/people, however i did something that completed my healing process and i couldn't have done it without A/all the support that E/everybody at SOS, my F/friends and my sisters have given me.<br />
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About six months ago, i received devastating news from someone that my ex and i both knew. A few days ago, i decided to tell my ex the information that this individual shared with me. From this conversation spurred others that lasted over the course of four days. These talks lead to me telling Him why i left Him and that He can't hurt me anymore.<br />
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I just want to take this opportunity again for A/all of Y/you at SOS, my sisters and my F/friends, for helping me get through the hurt that my first love and first Master.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-44199134755633888882013-08-04T20:39:00.001-07:002013-08-04T20:39:35.172-07:00Serving submissives and slaves Did the title of this blog post make Y/you blink? Good. I did too when i heard a Dominant say that Masters serve Their property. I'm curious on what O/others think about this.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-24252792475630994952013-08-04T19:07:00.001-07:002013-08-04T19:07:21.209-07:00What's Waiting On The Other Side Of Patience!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">What’s waiting on the other side of Patience?</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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What does having patience mean?</div>
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<br /></div>
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Do you have time for patience? </div>
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<br /></div>
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<em><b><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">‘Have patience with all
things, But, first of all with yourself.’</span></b></em> Saint Francis
de Sales</div>
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<br /></div>
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I have always been aware of my impatience to some
extent,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and I have been made more and
more aware of the extreme nature of it in my life and mind set recently!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Master has showed me the harshness of being
impatient, the intolerance he has for his submissive to be impatient and how
suffocating being impatient can be and how destructive it is in a D/s
relationship or life in general. </div>
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In the past when a task required patience, I would become
busy doing things so I would not have to think, feel or wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that is what I tried to do with Master.
That was stopped in a Master minute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
said NO, I want you to feel patience!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Feel patience?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Great, I do not
have any let alone have enough to feel! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was bizarre or was it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since I always “ran away” when life called
for patience I came to the conclusion that lack of patience is synonymous with
being ‘on the run’. There was always a resistance to stopping long enough to
really see what’s in front of me to live in the “NOW” the presences!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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The moment I stopped long enough, sat and listened to the
silence. Yes I knelt in the quietness of my room, in the dark and listened to
nothing! It was then I realized that I had patience with everyone except
myself!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moreover, I was afraid of
waiting, I feared that if something I want does not happen right when I want it
to happen, then it will not happen at all, or it will happen differently from
how I want it to happen, than I will be the victim! Therefore when we find
ourselves impatient about something, it is really because we do not trust in
the outcome. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Impatience is a result of lack of trust! Great we are back
to TRUST I thought that issue was handled, I trust Master. I trust him with my
body, mind and soul!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But is Master the
one I need to trust or is it myself?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trust
comes from within yourself, you need to trust yourself, your judgments, trust
in the decisions you make!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>AHH so this
is where patience plays its part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having
the patience, and in time it will be shown that yes this is the right decision,
I do trust I made the correct judgment in his character. The more patience I have
the more this is clarified. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So therefore when that moment arrives, I will step into Masters,
life as his slave and I will allow myself to serve on his terms, his schedule,
his time. In doing so, I release myself from the stress of future management
and will focus more on the present the now, and be available to him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So what is waiting on the other side of patience? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many rewards, freedom, presence, a sense of
ease, trust, and love. There’s nothing so loving, as patience.</div>
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-38902196193089345712013-07-29T13:28:00.001-07:002013-07-29T13:28:43.126-07:00The Gorean lifestyle The Gorean lifestyle has a bad reputation. I believe the reason for this is that T/those W/who are against the Gorean lifestyle don't understand that everything that happens in role-play, doesn't always take place in reality. Please allow me to give Y/you some examples.<br />
<br />
In the Gorean lifestyle, it's said that slaves are on the same level as animals. Furthermore, it's believed that Masters love their slaves as much as they love a favorite knickknack. These points may be seen during role-play sessions, but not in reality. W/we A/all know that P/people can't be replaced and that W/we A/all want to be loved unconditionally for the I/individuals that W/we are.<br />
<br />
The last example that i want to give is the most misunderstood aspect about the Gorean lifestyle. The Gorean lifestyle dictates that slaves have no limits. This is simply impossible. EVERYBODY has limits, both online and offline.<br />
<br />
The Gorean lifestyle is one that confuses M/many, due to the novels that are written about it and onlineisms that were created about it. But i hope the information that i provided about this lifestyle helps T/those W/who are interested in exploring it or learning more about it.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-30802160334927321662013-07-22T12:35:00.000-07:002013-07-22T12:35:40.503-07:00The Past is the Past for a ReasonAlways remember... the past is the past for a reason.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I work a lot on practicing the advice I give to people, because there are some things that are just harder for me to follow through on. I started, ages ago, based on something I saw on an episode of How I Met Your Mother, writing a letter to myself at the end of a relationship, reminding myself why the relationship ended, what lead up to it, the things I did wrong and needed to change, the things the other person contributed to that would need to change, else the situation would never get better. I would do this in case I ran into this person down the line and thought they'd changed and thought it may work again... I could go back and remind myself, "This is why it ended. Are you seeing these things still there?"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Unfortunately for me, I sorta stopped getting in the habit of doing this. I still bring it up as a suggestion in discussions as something that might be positive to do, especially for when you're vulnerable and think it really may be different this time... but I've found myself writing letters less and less. And what's even more unfortunate is that it took a negative situation in my life, in which a letter would've REALLY helped me avoid a lot of hurt, to remind myself that, "Hey... that really is a pretty good idea."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When it comes to ending a relationship, you hear all of us preach all the time about owning your shit, and this letter is no different. Writing from an emotional place where you blame EVERYTHING on the other person is going to get you nowhere... but taking a calm approach to it and being able to outline things like, "This was my first poly relationship and I had jealousy issues. Perhaps poly isn't for me, but to know for sure, this is definitely something I need to work on." This will help with your own self-improvement as well. The letter shouldn't serve as a way to vent about the other person, or to bash them (even though the only person that should see it is you)... bashing your ex never gets you anywhere productive. But the letter should serve as a reminder: These are the areas I needed to grow in for this to work; these are the areas they needed to grow in for this to work. That way, if you're ever faced with this opportunity again, you can sit down and ask yourself, "Have I grown through my jealousy issues, or is it still going to be a problem? Have they gotten better with their time management between their submissives, or am I just going to feel neglected again?" It allows you to objectively look at the situation, as opposed to getting caught up in the emotions of the moment and that temporary optimism of believing that everyone can inherently become the perfect version of themselves, if given enough time to discover it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Because trust me... being caught up in the emotions and allowing yourself to do something that you later regret... can be more detrimental than the initial relationship ending was in the first place.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know I'm pledging to go back and write myself letters... and to keep up the practice of doing so. Because at this point, with the mistakes I made up to this point, I can't blame anyone but myself to allowing myself to get put back into the same situation I was in years ago. I didn't look at it objectively... I looked at it emotionally. And maybe if I had that letter staring me in the face, I could've been shocked into objectivity.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile. I've kinda neglected my own blogs too. It's been an interesting time in RL and in SL, but things are slowing down again and falling back into rhythm. I should try to be back more consistently soon.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In service and in spirit,</div>
<div>
tivi</div>
Deianira Snowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05630113380316722426noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-58592360603759537582013-07-21T20:46:00.000-07:002013-07-21T20:46:16.796-07:00Auctions In Second Life, there are many ways to meet P/partners. But is participating in auctions a good way to meet a potential M/mate? Why or why not?<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-86170334034941674472013-07-18T11:01:00.000-07:002013-07-18T11:01:01.346-07:00The Heart of a MasterThe last few days I have experienced pain from un-collared subs to
Masters who have done the un-collaring. Being the empath I am, this was
too much of an overload for me. I felt the pain from both aspects.
You may ask how can you feel the pain for the Dom, have you ever been
one? How do you know how it feels to lose a sub? The answer is because
I love one! And I spend every night with him, I see, I feel, his
emotions, I am in every aspect a part of him.<br />
Don't underestimate or take for granted your value to your Dominant
or how important you are in making his life move ahead in a steady flow.
A submissive is precious to a Dom because of the investment he has put
forth; he has loved, cared, protected, taught, disciplined and eternally
planned everything with her. Don't look at yourself and see merely a
property or a thing in his life. You are His and owned by him, you have
a place inside his being and it goes deep, you are his family, his own
and to his own liking, you nourished and enhanced his personality and
domination, you accepted him for who he is. ( You may laugh at his jokes
and love his parables, smiles at Master)<br />
Therefore, when a Dominant takes the last look at his submissive before
she leaves, a piece of his heart is following her, his life stops for a
minute and never becomes the same again. It doesn't matter what the
reasons are or the cause for leaving, whether it is a temporary trip,
release or even death. The empty place she left inside his soul can
never be the same because what they shared and went through together is
beyond simple understanding.<br />
Do not take your Dom for granted, he has reasons, we may never
understand. just know that he loves you more than you ever will know.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-85827841612887748032013-07-14T19:06:00.001-07:002013-07-14T19:23:36.171-07:00Pain tolerance My question for Y/you A/all might be basic question but may have a complex answer. Can a P/person's pain tolerance be increased? Why or why not?<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-76406561037563654482013-07-08T00:47:00.001-07:002013-07-08T00:47:24.959-07:00Submissives and slaves are not weak people Many people who identify as vanilla have this idea that those who label themselves as a submissive or slave are weak.This view is a misconception.<br />
<br />
Slaves and submissives have taken on this station after they have fully educated themselves on what it requires. For those who have chosen to be owned by a Dom/me, online, offline and/or both, have taken the time to get-to-know the Master or Mistress that they are submitting to and the rules set forth by these person's.<br />
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<br />I hope the individuals that question the strength of submissives and slaves, to take the time to learn on what the life truly is for a slave and a submissive.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-43908632927318545962013-07-02T15:49:00.002-07:002013-07-02T15:58:06.108-07:00THE COMFORT ZONE<br />
Comfort zones, how do we expand them within boundaries in a safe sane and consensual way to expand and grow in our selves and in our dynamics? Please jion me in this thought provoking topic this Tuesday at 4 pm slt. at SOS.<br />
<br />
<br />
I will be using the following articles as a outline and starting point for this discussion. Please give full credit to these authors and leave comments on their sites.<br />
<h1>
At the edge of our comfort zone</h1>
<div class="post-info">
<ul>
<li><span class="no-caps"> At</span> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/null">January 22, 2013</a></li>
<li><span class="no-caps"> By</span> <a href="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/author/admin/" rel="author" title="Posts by London Faerie">London Faerie</a> </li>
<li class="post-info-categories"><span class="no-caps"> In </span><a href="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/category/ecstatic/" rel="category tag" title="View all posts in Ecstatic BDSM">Ecstatic BDSM</a>, <a href="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/category/growth/" rel="category tag" title="View all posts in Personal Growth">Personal Growth</a></li>
<li class="post-info-comments"><img src="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/wp-content/themes/dandelion/images/comm.png" /><a href="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/2013/01/comfort-zone/#comments"> 2 </a></li>
</ul>
</div>
At the edge of our comfort zone is a place of expansion. When we find
that edge and play on it, we increase our capacity for life.<br />
It’s a delicate balance. When we stay in our comfort zone and seek
only safe options, we don’t expand. This is OK for a while: it’s
important for us to feel safe in the world and not to get overwhelmed.
This is particularly true when we’re young and we’re discovering what
feels right for us. However if we spend most or all of our time in our
comfort zone, not only do we not grow as people but our comfort zone
shrinks. As we get older the range of ‘safe’ options narrows and we
limit our capacity.<br />
Going too far out of our comfort zone is equally dangerous. When we
dive into things that feel unsafe without awareness of where our edge
is, we go into the ‘terror zone’ – a place where we’re easily
overwhelmed, quickly lost and often hurt. This also affects our
capacity: by going too far beyond our edge we retreat back to our
comfort zone and it shrinks.<br />
This diagram illustrates the range of movement in a simple way:<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<img alt="At the edge of our comfort zone" class="wp-image-4784 aligncenter" height="420" src="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/wp-uploads/2013/01/Comfort-Zone.jpg" width="560" /><br />
(Thanks to <a href="http://dakinikimaya.com/" target="_blank">Dakini Kimaya</a> for this marvellous diagram, which helped me to understand this question deeply.)</div>
Just beyond the edge of our comfort zone is the ‘magic zone’: a place of expansion and transformation. If we keep ‘<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html" target="_blank">daring greatly</a>‘
into this zone, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and take the right
amount of risk, amazing things happen. This is the place where we expand
our capacity, stretch ourselves and become bigger, bolder people. This
is the place where the magic happens. By spending time in this zone we
expand our comfort zone, so that we are able to do, feel and experience
more.<br />
So how do we find the magic zone? First we need to discover and
honour our boundaries. One of the biggest misconceptions among personal
growth seekers is that throwing boundaries out the window is the way to
expand. It is not. When we overlook our emotional and spiritual safety
we quickly go into terror, and this causes us to contract not expand.
Knowing our boundaries is absolutely essential for safe exploration
beyond our comfort zone.<br />
Knowing our boundaries is an important step but it’s not the final
destination. When we find our boundaries and play within them, it helps
us build trust and confidence in ourselves and in our relationships with
others. There is a close correlation between boundaries and our comfort
zone: too tight and we don’t grow, too loose and we lose any benefit.
As with most things in life, it’s the exquisite edge that we are looking
for.<br />
Some people are natural ‘no’ people and others are natural ‘yes’
people. The challenge for ‘no’ people is to let their boundaries be a
little more permeable; the challenge for ‘yes’ people is to define and
hold their boundaries. Knowing what kind of person you are is a great
starting-point.<br />
Once we know our boundaries and we feel safe, we can venture to our
edge. The edge is different for each person, and also different in
different situations. The kind of openness that’s right when making love
or doing BDSM is very different from the kind of openness that’s right
when we’re on the Underground. Our boundaries change from situation to
situation and sometimes from moment to moment; the better we get at
knowing and honouring them, the better our chance of finding the edge of
our comfort zone.<br />
With boundaries in place to create a safe container we can venture
beyond our comfort zone to the place where magic happens. By bringing
awareness to this process and getting support from people who love us,
we can do this safely over and over again. And it’s wonderful to see
what happens when we do: each time we venture into the magic zone our
comfort zone expands a little more. By risking it we allow a little more
life in.<br />
Nothing is assured and there’s risk inherent in this process. For
this reason we also need to be gentle and forgiving with ourselves and
others when we venture beyond our comfort zone. Knowing and stating our
boundaries helps a lot. It also helps to know that the people we are
exploring our edge with love and respect us. When we are outside our
comfort zone we are vulnerable and exposed, and it doesn’t take much to
push us from here to terror. For many people this is an excuse not to go
there, to avoid risk at all costs. But to do this is to deny ourselves
the possibility of expansion and growth, and in time our comfort zone
shrinks and shrinks. I saw my dad and stepmother do this as they got
older, with the result that their world became painfully narrow and
their feeling of unsafety grew and grew.<br />
We must continue to be brave and play on our edge to keep growing,
and this is particularly important as we grow older. Naturally the body
slows down and stiffens as we get older, yet some older people seem
vibrant and full of life while others feel old and tired. Our society
supports the idea that ageing equals contraction, but I don’t believe
it’s necessary. I believe that if we keep venturing beyond our comfort
zone to the place where magic happens, we can stay young and flexible in
spite of our ageing bodies.<br />
Often it’s hard at first to know our boundaries, to know how to find
the edge and to expand our comfort zone. For this reason it’s great to
have the support of someone who’s experienced in this work. A lot of my
work as a <a href="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/personalgrowth/">Personal Growth Coach</a> and <a href="http://londonfaerie.co.uk/ecstaticbdsm/">Ecstatic BDSM practitioner</a>
is about helping my clients to find their exquisite edge and explore it
safely. I do this by placing a great emphasis on boundaries and safety
when inviting people outside their comfort zone. The combination of
being safely held and being taken to scary places is hugely expansive.<br />
Whether you choose to work on this with me, another practitioner or
friends and lovers, I encourage you to find your edge and play on it as
often as you can. You’ll be amazed at what is possible when you allow
yourself just beyond your comfort zone.<br />
<br />
We will aslo discuss portions of the following articals:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.charlieglickman.com/2012/08/what-does-pushing-boundaries-in-bdsm-mean/">http://www.charlieglickman.com/2012/08/what-does-pushing-boundaries-in-bdsm-mean/</a><br />
<a href="http://utrox.com/comfort-zone.html">http://utrox.com/comfort-zone.html</a><br />
<br />
Master Merlin Sworthain MERLINhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11201730346719303920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-16491801567165411332013-06-30T12:50:00.000-07:002013-06-30T12:50:33.758-07:00Happy Birthday SOS!Happy third birthday SOS!!! It's an honor being able to help a community like this.<br />
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Sarah Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-1482358823907747782013-06-24T11:21:00.001-07:002013-06-24T11:48:54.799-07:00Top 10 Wrong Reasons to Be in a Relationship.<div class="module moduleText color0" id="mod_12180903">
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<h2 class="subtitle">
<span style="font-size: small;">This will be the topic for Tuesdays Master/slave discussion at S.O.S. at 4:00 PM slt. We will delve into how this affects the Master/slave dynamic and the special dangers involved in our lifestyle. How does a slave cope with not having a Master and a Master not having a slave. Some of the questions we will discuss are. </span></h2>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>How do we know when we are mentally healed enough to begin a new dynamic?</b></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>How do we tell when we are doing it for the right reasons?</b></i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><i><b>What are the warning signs of a person who is not ready? </b></i></span></li>
<li><i><b>What is meant by the term "Dom Hopper" and should they be avoided"?</b></i></li>
<li><i><b>What is meant by the term "Collector Dom" and should they be avoided"?</b></i></li>
<li><i><b>What is a Rescuer? And what is a Victim? And can these mindsets be destructive? </b></i></li>
<li><b> </b><i><b>And finally we will touch on what I think is the root of this entire topic... "Codependency" </b></i></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-size: small;"><b> Please bring lots of questions and comments and be prepared to look deeply into the topic as we rip off the scabs and inspect the scars that are often left behind... </b></span></div>
<div class="module moduleText color0" id="mod_12180873">
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<div class="module moduleText color0" id="mod_12180873">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>I really could not have said the following better my self so please give tons of credit to the author below... </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Master Merlin</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Original post and link... </span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Wrong-Reasons-for-Being-in-Relationships-Love-Liking-someone">http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Wrong-Reasons-for-Being-in-Relationships-Love-Liking-someone</a></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Getting into a Relationship for Wrong Reasons</span></h2>
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Are
you someone who moves from one unhappy relationship to another? Then
that is probably because you got into the relationship for the wrong
reasons.<br />
Being in love is an amazing feeling but not all
relationships survive. Many relationships end faster than it started.
This is because many people get into relationships for all the wrong
reasons. Falling in love for all the wrong reasons can result in not
only a broken heart but much pain and sorrow that it may even affect
future relationships. I can understand a teenager wanting to fall in
love out of the fascination or excitement of the concept or feeling of
being in love. But it is so sad to see many men and women even getting
married for the wrong reasons only to end up in a serious break up or
divorce.
What are some wrong reasons for liking or falling in love with
someone? Given below are top 10 such wrong reasons for being in a
relationship.</div>
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<br />
There are many <b>wrong
reasons why people want to fall in love or get into a serious relationship or marriage</b>.
Given are top 10 such reasons.<br />
<br />
<b>1.
</b><b><u>Loneliness and Desperation:</u></b> Majority of those who get into a
relationship for the wrong reasons fall into this category. Many people tend to
feel worthless or lacking something when they are single or lonely. This
emptiness and desperation to be treated as special make them get into
relationships fast only to regret later.<br />
<br />
<b>2.
</b><b><u>Friends:</u></b> Many times guys and girls get into
relationship because of friends. If some are been lured into relationship by
friends so that they can do things together some get into it because they do
not want to miss out on the game of love when their friends are enjoying it. Many
people tend to think ‘Everyone else have someone, why not me?’ Such
relationships where friends are the motivation are mostly short lived.<br />
<br />
3. <b><u>Distraction
from Problems:</u></b>
It is a very common thing to get into relationships to avoid or forget
problems. Victims of <a href="http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Signs-of-Bad-Parenting-effects-good-parent" target="_blank"><b>Bad Parenting</b></a>
are often seen getting into such relationships as a means of escape. Also many
people are seen immediately jump into a new relationship after breakup from a
long term <a href="http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/signs-of-rebound-relationship-definition-identifying-knowing-how-to" target="_blank"><b>Relationship on Rebound</b></a> to
forget the pain and loneliness caused by the breakup. Such Relationships may bring passion, purpose and
excitement in the short term, but fail to survive as they are not based on
love. <br />
<br />
4. <b><u>Pressure
to settle down:</u></b>
Many times elders in the family exert pressure to settle down by getting
married especially after a certain age. I have even seen mothers getting
worried because their daughters could not attract any guys towards them.
Relationships for the sake of society or because of desperation because everyone says you should often do not stand
the test of time. <br />
<br />
5. <b><u>Need
for/to Support:</u></b>
Many Guys and girls look for support by getting into relationship. Especially
there are many girls even in this modern age that cannot stand on their own and
look for support from father, brother or husband all the time. Many who get
into relationships are on the lookout for someone who would take care of them.
This can be the opposite too. A need for being a support or to have someone who
would depend on can also prompt people to get into marriage or serious
relationships.<br />
<br />
6. <b><u>Need
of Physical Intimacy:</u></b>
For many people the motivation for relationship is Sex or Physical intimacy
with the Partner. Desperation for Sex can many times result in jumping into the
sack with the wrong people.<br />
<br />
7. <b><u>Getting
into Relationships out of Sympathy/Guilt:</u></b> Many people get trapped into relationships out of
sympathy or guilt. I recently got a mail from a girl who got into a
relationship because the guy tried to end his life when the girl rejected him.
She is unhappy and depressed and wanted a way out without hurting the Guy. Such
relationships can make one feel trapped and unhappy.<br />
<br />
8. <b><u>He
/She is a Challenge:</u></b>
Many times people try to win over others because they are unavailable and
presents a challenge. Winning over such a person is a triumph and such a person
would be a prize Trophy to show off. <br />
<br />
9. <b><u>Caught
Up In The Moment:</u></b>
Many times Guys and Girls get caught up in the moment. What they thought
attractive a short while ago does not appeal to them anymore as they were
impulsive at that point of time. That is why we see make breakups within days,
weeks or months. <br />
<br />
10.
<b><u>Convenience:</u></b> Many times people get into
relationships just because they find it’s Convenient. While in college I had a
friend who was in a relationship with a Restaurant and Coffee Shop owner and
used to take friends there and we never had to pay a dime for all the fantastic
dishes we ate there. Once the college was over the relationship broke up. Some
other reasons can be that the person has a swimming pool, car etc which can be used
or borrowed.<br />
I am not telling that
some people who start their relationship on the right note do not fail in their
relationship or does not <a href="http://socyberty.com/relationships/signs-that-you-have-fallen-out-of-love" target="_blank"><b>fall out of
love</b></a>, but the chances of relationships break down are more in the case of
those getting married for the wrong reasons. Have you ever liked someone or got into a
relationship just for the sake of it for any of the above reasons? Are
there any other reasons you would like to add to the list above? Feel free to add them through your comments.<br />
<br />
<h2 class="subtitle">
<span style="font-size: small;">I really could not have said any of this better my self so please give tons of credit to this author...</span></h2>
<h2 class="subtitle">
<span style="font-size: small;">Master Merlin</span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> </span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Original post and link... </span></h2>
<h2 class="subtitle">
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Wrong-Reasons-for-Being-in-Relationships-Love-Liking-someone">http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Wrong-Reasons-for-Being-in-Relationships-Love-Liking-someone</a></span></h2>
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MERLINhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11201730346719303920noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-8487037034498945822013-06-23T17:37:00.000-07:002013-06-23T17:41:34.080-07:00Anaïs Nin-the submissive <h1 class="firstHeading" id="firstHeading" lang="en">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">Anaïs Nin was born on February 21st, 1903, in Neuilly, France. The separation of her parents planted the seed in young Nin's mind that she may lead a life of her choosing, instead of one set for her. </span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">Up until the mid 1960's, women were expected to follow protocols and rules, that were designed for them by the members of society. One such mandate was that those who join together in matrimony, must stay together until the time of one spouse's death.</span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">Wanting to follow her own path, Nin ended her formal education and became a model for an artist.</span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">In 1923, Nin married her first husband, Hugh Parker Guiler. Mr. Guiler was often busy with his work as a banker, frequently leaving Nin alone for many hours each day. It was then that Nin found her passion for writing.</span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">Feeling dissatisfied with her life, Nin began to seek therapy, under the psychoanalyst, Otto Rank. Through her sessions with him, Nin started to appreciate her sexuality and gender. She also discovered her need to be dominated.</span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">In the following years, Nin wrote several more publications and engaged in relationships that emotionally and physically fulfilled her, thanks to the treatment that she received from Mr. Rank. Some may argue that Nin was very promiscuous and that there is more in being a submissive than sex, so therefore, she isn't a "real" submissive. Others may view her as a role model, as they only enjoy the intimate parts of the BDSM lifestyle. Regardless if she is deemed a "true" submissive or not, Nin did publicize the BDSM culture and paved the way for others to follow their heart.</span></span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">Sarah </span></span></span></h1>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6592845802216218095.post-23818905790468503462013-06-22T13:43:00.000-07:002013-06-22T14:16:23.836-07:00Can one serve two Masters in a BDSM dynamic?<h2>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: small;"> This Question has been posed during a few discussions in the past few weeks here at S.O.S. and I have decided to tackle it head on this Sunday When I fill in For Master Kaddan during her Ying and Yang Discussion Group meeting at A.O.S. at 1:00 slt on June 23rd, 2013</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> As we all know some topics are very touchy and this certainly will be one of those. This particular topic is particularly hard for the M/D type in our lifestyle in all I have read and comments I hear when it is discussed. Allowing our submissives and/or slaves serve, play, or scene with another is defiantly not something we would consider under normal circumstances. I would however pose to the reader that these types of dynamics not only exist but can be done and be a very healthy thing for all parties involved. But it is one of the most difficult dynamics to maintain as there are many more things to consider and a level of communication that I personally feel the majority of people have not the maturity or patience to maintain.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> One scenario is that we see this dynamic in is the swinging community. These fun loving people (usually couples) swap partners during play parties and communal get togethers or allow the slave or sub to engage in sexual play on a regular basis with others. This is by far the most common time we see one M/D type allowing another M/D type to Dom or Top their Sub or Slave during a multitude of scenarios. I would pose that this is not really serving two Masters as the primary M/D in this scenario is controlling the who, what, when, where, etc. of the scenario. Therefore no T.P.E. happening with the second M/D. At this time I would like to clarify that this is a broad stroke and there are always exceptions to these statements and I am speaking in generalities.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Another scenario is that the M/D in the dynamic is physically unable to be in the same room due to it being a online separated by distance and for what ever reason the two cannot be physically together. In this case the M/D may allow the sub/slave to scene with but not be collared to another M/D. This is not very common as us M/D types with do almost anything to avoid this as it is very difficult to have the total control over the scene that the first scenario would have as we cannot be there physically to insure the safety and content of the scene. Also if this were to be allowed it requires even more open communication and trust than the first scenario requires. Also a built in risk to the sub/slave is magnified here.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Then we have the M/D type that is disabled and due to the nature of that disability they again are unable to physically touch, bind, or be a physical presence for their sub or slave. The people in this scenario are most likely in my opinion the most purely unselfish I have read about and talked to. They come from a place of understanding and compassion for each other in a way few will ever experience. But again even in this case the M/D type has the control and decides the who, what, when, where etc. So I would again pose that this is not serving two Masters. No T.P.E. is happening between the s-type and the M/D type that is allowed to scene with the s-type in this scenario.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Now we come to the inexperienced M/D type that may under again a controlled setting allow another M/D type to act as a professional/expert teacher or guide and use the sub or slave as the one the experienced M/D uses to teach the inexperienced one how to perform various techniques of B/D and S/M. This is a common thing that does happen more than many would like to admit because it it usually a training scene and not a play scene and is kept very private. In my opinion still this is not severing two Masters as no T.P.E. is occurring. My personal opinion is this is not a bad thing but I do feel it is better for the M/D to experience these things for them selves to fully understand what it means to submit and have these techniques used on themselves. It will give the M/D type a deeper level of what power they have and the potential dangers of many of the techniques used in all these scenarios.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> And now we come to the one that is I feel the rarest of the occasions. The two M/D household or dynamic. Takes a hugs breath here as i don't personally think I could do this however there are a few very loving and caring dynamics out there that so engage in this. This is by far the most difficult. The parties that have this in their dynamic at all times must have total transparency with one another and set in stone ground rules that far exceed in my opinion any of the other scenarios I have brought up so far. Can you imagine the confusion and trouble a sub/slave could get into in this dynamic? The stepping on toes the two M/D types must avoid? The communication level and maturity of the parties in this dynamic must be the number one rule and adhered to at every turn for this to work. I have found through a lot of reading that in these dynamics, although not always the case, one or more of the M/D types are switches and or the sub or slave is. Or more common one of the M/D types is the one in charge and is the one in a T.P.E. with the sub or slave and the second M/D defers to the first as the one who has final say in all things that may arise and follows the protocols that are set by them. Again this may not be the only way this dynamic is structured, but these are the most common I have found. And this by far is the most difficult to maintain from all I have read.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Now lastly we come to the sub or slave that is married or in a vanilla relationship but has a M/D that is separate from their white picket fence life with the proverbial 2.5 kids mini van etc. or the professional that submits to a M/D after work but does not live it 24/7 with the one in their primary relationship. These are very common but mostly hidden from anyone's view and often hidden from the primary relationship for a multitude of reasons. These dynamics can range from healthy to destructive. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> In my opinion and in my house my relations ships may never be hidden completely from any other person my subs or slaves are involved with intimately. They must be honest that a relationship that is intimate is occurring but may withhold the details only for the purpose of not making the other party feel they are incapable or providing what the s-type needs. I actually encourage my subs and slaves that are in internet dynamics with me to seek real life partners to fulfill their lives. I have actual found this makes our dynamics stronger. Again this is my approach and I know many will not agree and could never do that with their subs and slaves but my approach is I am not my sub/slaves boyfriend or their husband I am their Master.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> There are many other situations where a sub/slave may find themselves in the position where they may be instructed to serve another M/D but in all of the ones I read about they are not in a T.P.E. with the other M/D. The primary M/D always is in control of the who, what, when, where etc. An example of this is our very own alisha... she serves all of us at S.O.S but her Master controls the perimeters of that service and she is actually serving him when she provides her time guidance and advice. So she is not serving two Masters. We will cover many more examples of this in the lecture on Sunday. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> In closing I would only caution that we all must be mindful that these dynamics exist and can work but take a huge amount of commitment and require even more patience and a unique approach to life and what it takes to keep a relationship healthy. If you find yourself endeavoring to indulge in any of these please go in with your eyes wide open and understand the level of maturity all involved must have. If any are lacking in this I would urge you to rethink it. And above all be safe, sane, and be sure that all consent to whatever the perimeters of your dynamic is. Your right to stay and your right to go never ends.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">By </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Master Merlin Swordthain</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Readers may use for educational purposes only. Please give credit to the author. Thank you.</span></span></span>MERLINhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11201730346719303920noreply@blogger.com0