Picture it: You're in a club, some of your all-time favorite songs are being played and the establishment is filled to its capacity with attractive men and women. You pick one man or woman from the crowd and strike up a conversation with them. You discover that this person has a pleasant personality in addition to their nice appearance. You become slightly excited as you find yourself enjoying the company of this individual and develop a hunger in wanting to get to know H/him or H/her better. But, oh no! H/he or S/she rejects you, in some shape or form. If you have been on the lookout for a Dominant or submissive or slave for awhile, rejection can be devastating; regardless of the reasons from the ones that rejects us.
What we must remember is that we are going to be turned down by some people in every aspect of our lives. But we can't let renunciation or the fear of it, stop us from pursing our dreams. While some aspirations are easier to achieve than others, there are still things that we can do, to improve our chances of completing our goals. If your dream is to find a submissive or slave or Dominant, one idea is to recall as many as possible the negative comments that you have received and examine them to see if there is/are area's in your life that needs betterment.
Regardless of outcomes, be grateful for the things that you do have and keep an open heart and mind for the positive items that may come your way.
Sarah
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
The Newly Single
As many of us know, the period between relationships can be boring, but it can also be a time of enrichment. Those who choose to improve themselves and take part in opportunities that leads to emotional growth during this/these lull's, can give more to their next partner and partnership.
Taking the steps to help yourself right after a relationship ends, is not a good idea. People must go through the grieving process in order to be ready to transform themselves for the better and for their next partnership. What is the grieving process? The grieving process is a plan to accept that a traumatic event has taken place. What are the phases that one waxes through during the grieving process? The emotions that one will experience when proceeding through the grieving process are: Denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance.
After completing the grieving process, what areas in your life do you feel need improving? Dom/mes, what sections in a submissive's journey do you feel requires healthy development in? Besides getting through the grieving process and making our lives finer from a psychological anschauung, what other things can we do during singlehood, so that we can continue to stay busy and not make poor choices due to boredom?
Sarah
Taking the steps to help yourself right after a relationship ends, is not a good idea. People must go through the grieving process in order to be ready to transform themselves for the better and for their next partnership. What is the grieving process? The grieving process is a plan to accept that a traumatic event has taken place. What are the phases that one waxes through during the grieving process? The emotions that one will experience when proceeding through the grieving process are: Denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance.
After completing the grieving process, what areas in your life do you feel need improving? Dom/mes, what sections in a submissive's journey do you feel requires healthy development in? Besides getting through the grieving process and making our lives finer from a psychological anschauung, what other things can we do during singlehood, so that we can continue to stay busy and not make poor choices due to boredom?
Sarah
Friday, August 3, 2012
D/s in the modern world
Back when there were no computers or cell phones and guys were the primary bread winners, Dominant and submissive relationships were the norm and easy to maintain. We now live in a time where women have the capacity to out-earn men in many professions, coupled with the availability of internet that can be found in several different types of electronics.
It's currently the twenty-first century and we have the ability to choose our path, without worrying that our gender, orientation, creed and/or ethnicity will block it. How does one enter a D/s relationship in a age where equality is the trend? First, you should research ANY lifestyle at length before jumping in. Read as many documents, talk with as large of a population and attend all the classes, if any are available, that you can about your desired avenue, so you know exactly what you're getting into. Second, once you have a chosen road, build a support system of knowledgeable, trustworthy people that are in the lifestyle that you have selected. On the same token, don't ignore the folks that have been in your life for awhile, especially family. For those that don't agree with your passage, if they truly care for you, they will accept it in time. Persons who have friends that are youthful and/or have lots of younger members in their kin, they may have a particularly tough time in accepting your route, as society now dictates that we are all equal. Good communication and patience are often the keys in overcoming obstacles and fostering tolerance. Third, with the advancement of technology, workloads in jobs are increasing at a rapid rate. Stress from your occupation, plus all of the commitments in your journey, may have you wondering, how does one have the opportunity to explore a ethnology properly, when one has so many things on their plate? One word: Prioritize! If you you really want something, you'll do whatever is necessary to make it happen. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. I am working on getting another college degree and i volunteer and work in Second Life, all while actively learning about D/s. If i can do it, so can you. Lastly, as with many things in life, maintenance is critical in keeping yourself and relationships healthy. Taking proper care of yourself and your relations with others is the secret ingredient in keeping everything vital.
Sarah
It's currently the twenty-first century and we have the ability to choose our path, without worrying that our gender, orientation, creed and/or ethnicity will block it. How does one enter a D/s relationship in a age where equality is the trend? First, you should research ANY lifestyle at length before jumping in. Read as many documents, talk with as large of a population and attend all the classes, if any are available, that you can about your desired avenue, so you know exactly what you're getting into. Second, once you have a chosen road, build a support system of knowledgeable, trustworthy people that are in the lifestyle that you have selected. On the same token, don't ignore the folks that have been in your life for awhile, especially family. For those that don't agree with your passage, if they truly care for you, they will accept it in time. Persons who have friends that are youthful and/or have lots of younger members in their kin, they may have a particularly tough time in accepting your route, as society now dictates that we are all equal. Good communication and patience are often the keys in overcoming obstacles and fostering tolerance. Third, with the advancement of technology, workloads in jobs are increasing at a rapid rate. Stress from your occupation, plus all of the commitments in your journey, may have you wondering, how does one have the opportunity to explore a ethnology properly, when one has so many things on their plate? One word: Prioritize! If you you really want something, you'll do whatever is necessary to make it happen. I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. I am working on getting another college degree and i volunteer and work in Second Life, all while actively learning about D/s. If i can do it, so can you. Lastly, as with many things in life, maintenance is critical in keeping yourself and relationships healthy. Taking proper care of yourself and your relations with others is the secret ingredient in keeping everything vital.
Sarah
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Why Are We Here???
When you walk into a room or a street or someones house, sometimes you can have this feeling of.."Something brought me here and I don't understand it." There are many times this may happen to me on an emotional side.
I have decided to share some of my own thoughts with you, and show you a little bit of myself.
I use to a lot stand somewhere and say.. "What am i doing here?" I would ask myself why I am there, but it's not till a later time i realize exactly why I was there. It is amazing how life can offer us so much and mother nature is beautiful and then you realize, YOU have so much to offer yourself.
It was a weir time for me to figure this out. I was under a lot of stress, emotionally and physically, mentally even. When I am under stress I tend to think more deeply about things - which could be the way we all think. I tend to dissect things naturally, but slower.
We all talk about the cookie cutter Sub, we all talk about the subs, submitting only on command, we talk about the subs who say.."Me me me". I was her at one time.
I remember ImÃng someone in Secondlife, I didn't know why I was in this persons IM.. But now I see exactly why.
I used to submit on command. I was the one with the thoughts of... "Mr Dommy Dom, I will submit when I want to. I would get cold negative reactions, and then I would start thinking that I was not good enough. I didn't see the behavior, I didn't see the way I was acting. I would act out to get attention, all because I did not feel worthy enough.
Growing up I had a tough situation, it forced me to grow up, but it also forced me to be quiet. Don't show your emotions, because you would only be punished for it, and really.. Who wants to hear some silly little girl's opinion. That's the way my mind worked.
When i found my submission, or just felt it a little I was so excited of the fact that someone was going to take care of me for once. That there helped me down the track of the cookie cutter attitude. The fingers started pointing...."Well hey.. I have submitted to you, now you owe me everything in return. Everything being.. My expectations. It through me in very scary situations.
I have a few good friends who now will tell me straight. They help me see so many different angles and it really helps.
I use to feel empty while in a relationship. I was always searching for that validation to make me feel better. But I wanted them to be proud of me, but no matter what they gave, it was not reaching my expectation. I was very much a "fix me fix me"girl.
About a year ago, I remember standing out the front of Sos doors and feeling this warmth, feeling this pleasure, this switch just turning on. At first I thought i was going to be ill, because that hot rush only came if i was ill. Then I realized exactly what it was.. My very own submission.
That moment on i had so many positive people in my life that I was learning off. I was in that exciting time......"I feel it, I can feel my submission!!!!!!!" Then the race for the peak of the mountain started.
I was learning so much about myself that I didn't want it to stop, so I was like racing to the top of every peak.
Well did I learn a great lesson there. I was missing out on all the little things. I wasn't stopping to smell the roses, I just wanted the car to keep going with no gas..."Get me there, get me there". I started to see that the little thing I was learning and growing from were the most beautiful, spiritual things about myself. I started to ask if we can pull over for a break. I wanted to smell the roses and when I realized how beneficial that was for me.... Now it's like a motivator to slow down.
The meaning of this blog is.... "We may not thing we are exactly where we need to be at times, but I could nearly say... You are exactly where you are meant to be".
We do like to rush, but take that time, relax. There are people who come in to our lives, and at the time it may be a negative feeling, but then, after a few months, there is always... yes always something they have given us, even if they do not know... So why are we here??... Because I am on a life journey with myself, so just breathe it in.
Thank you.
Tahlia Snoodle
I have decided to share some of my own thoughts with you, and show you a little bit of myself.
I use to a lot stand somewhere and say.. "What am i doing here?" I would ask myself why I am there, but it's not till a later time i realize exactly why I was there. It is amazing how life can offer us so much and mother nature is beautiful and then you realize, YOU have so much to offer yourself.
It was a weir time for me to figure this out. I was under a lot of stress, emotionally and physically, mentally even. When I am under stress I tend to think more deeply about things - which could be the way we all think. I tend to dissect things naturally, but slower.
We all talk about the cookie cutter Sub, we all talk about the subs, submitting only on command, we talk about the subs who say.."Me me me". I was her at one time.
I remember ImÃng someone in Secondlife, I didn't know why I was in this persons IM.. But now I see exactly why.
I used to submit on command. I was the one with the thoughts of... "Mr Dommy Dom, I will submit when I want to. I would get cold negative reactions, and then I would start thinking that I was not good enough. I didn't see the behavior, I didn't see the way I was acting. I would act out to get attention, all because I did not feel worthy enough.
Growing up I had a tough situation, it forced me to grow up, but it also forced me to be quiet. Don't show your emotions, because you would only be punished for it, and really.. Who wants to hear some silly little girl's opinion. That's the way my mind worked.
When i found my submission, or just felt it a little I was so excited of the fact that someone was going to take care of me for once. That there helped me down the track of the cookie cutter attitude. The fingers started pointing...."Well hey.. I have submitted to you, now you owe me everything in return. Everything being.. My expectations. It through me in very scary situations.
I have a few good friends who now will tell me straight. They help me see so many different angles and it really helps.
I use to feel empty while in a relationship. I was always searching for that validation to make me feel better. But I wanted them to be proud of me, but no matter what they gave, it was not reaching my expectation. I was very much a "fix me fix me"girl.
About a year ago, I remember standing out the front of Sos doors and feeling this warmth, feeling this pleasure, this switch just turning on. At first I thought i was going to be ill, because that hot rush only came if i was ill. Then I realized exactly what it was.. My very own submission.
That moment on i had so many positive people in my life that I was learning off. I was in that exciting time......"I feel it, I can feel my submission!!!!!!!" Then the race for the peak of the mountain started.
I was learning so much about myself that I didn't want it to stop, so I was like racing to the top of every peak.
Well did I learn a great lesson there. I was missing out on all the little things. I wasn't stopping to smell the roses, I just wanted the car to keep going with no gas..."Get me there, get me there". I started to see that the little thing I was learning and growing from were the most beautiful, spiritual things about myself. I started to ask if we can pull over for a break. I wanted to smell the roses and when I realized how beneficial that was for me.... Now it's like a motivator to slow down.
The meaning of this blog is.... "We may not thing we are exactly where we need to be at times, but I could nearly say... You are exactly where you are meant to be".
We do like to rush, but take that time, relax. There are people who come in to our lives, and at the time it may be a negative feeling, but then, after a few months, there is always... yes always something they have given us, even if they do not know... So why are we here??... Because I am on a life journey with myself, so just breathe it in.
Thank you.
Tahlia Snoodle
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
The Lioness Hunting Her Lion
The Lioness Hunting Her Lion
The rush, the excitement, slow movements….
Her heart pounds, wanting him so bad…
The intensity, lowering down, hiding behind the grass..
Catching his eyes, losing all concentration…
Not letting him see the hunger in her eye’s…..
Every movement she stalks on him…
The branches crack, the stares intertwine…
The intensity, the passion…
Eye’s locking with deep stares….
She stands firm, not looking away, moving closer….
She loses consciousness, hearts beating faster….
So wild, her thoughts rage, her desires rise….
Wanting them filled with his exhale…she inhales…
Her soul fills with his, she breaths him in closer and
closer…
Till they barely touch, feeling suffocated with lust…
Over whelming, excitement…
She tries to stand back, but wanting nothing but his touch…
Pacing around in circles, not daring to look away…
She waits, baring her soul, the lust, the passion…
Deep breathing…she loses all self-control…
The anticipation, he fills her with his breath…
One stride after the other towards the lioness….
She awaits desperately to have him near…
He pounces towards her fast, as he pins her down…
Caressing her face, rolling around…
The dust on the ground shadowing their innocence…
The intensity, her heart beating fast, tears flowing….
Dreams conquered, desires known…
She is totally lost in him, the world no longer exists…
Only two hearts beating…
She pounces, clawing him deep, holding him down…
The pressure against his heart, no escape from her love…
Holding him closer to her heart…
She roars to let him know that, she stands so proud…
So tall, so satisfied and strong, like a lioness hunting her
lion.
A new chapter
Greetings E/everyone,
My name is Sarah and i am the newest member of the Solace of Submission blog team. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle on and off for about nine years. I began studying the different vines of BDSM at the age of eighteen, after hearing about them in a virtual environment. Upon first learning of the Gorean philosophies and different branches of BDSM, i was sixteen and i decided to wait until i was older to educate myself further about those paths, as i didn't want orange to become the only color that i could wear for the next few years.
When i was around nineteen, i met a person who was a kajira(a Gorean female slave) and she changed my life forever. She was a loving, intelligent and devoted woman and slave. Unfortunately the Master she loved treated her badly. After her death in 2008, i said i would never become a kajira; although that decision wasn't based solely on my friend's negative experiences, but also taking into consideration the brief ones that i had too.
In January 2011, i met a man that i fell in love with and i set aside my differences with Gor to become one of His girls. Throughout our relationship, i let His constant lying and disrespect slide as i was so enthralled with Him. The breaking point came when He collared a girl without talking to the family first as promised.
After leaving Him, i did slip back into the vanilla world for a few days, as i was shattered. During my time in the land of where there are no submissives or Dominants, i realized that my desire to serve was growing stronger with each passing day, so i gave the Gorean lifestyle one last try.
Even-though Gor is not right for me, it did lead me back on the road which is correct for me: D/s. I intend to find a Master that is right for my Second Life and Real Life. Finding a Dominant that will accept my RL situation may prove to be more difficult, as i am extremely physically challenged.
They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and i certainly believe that. The trials during my journey has lead me to become a more humbled, optimistic, open and grateful person. You might have the questions "you're still optimistic after everything you have went through and still endure?" Yes, as i believe that i will achieve my dreams and that nothing is impossible. It is my hope that you will never give up on your aspirations, because we are all worthy of happiness.
Until next time,
Sarah
My name is Sarah and i am the newest member of the Solace of Submission blog team. I have been in the BDSM lifestyle on and off for about nine years. I began studying the different vines of BDSM at the age of eighteen, after hearing about them in a virtual environment. Upon first learning of the Gorean philosophies and different branches of BDSM, i was sixteen and i decided to wait until i was older to educate myself further about those paths, as i didn't want orange to become the only color that i could wear for the next few years.
When i was around nineteen, i met a person who was a kajira(a Gorean female slave) and she changed my life forever. She was a loving, intelligent and devoted woman and slave. Unfortunately the Master she loved treated her badly. After her death in 2008, i said i would never become a kajira; although that decision wasn't based solely on my friend's negative experiences, but also taking into consideration the brief ones that i had too.
In January 2011, i met a man that i fell in love with and i set aside my differences with Gor to become one of His girls. Throughout our relationship, i let His constant lying and disrespect slide as i was so enthralled with Him. The breaking point came when He collared a girl without talking to the family first as promised.
After leaving Him, i did slip back into the vanilla world for a few days, as i was shattered. During my time in the land of where there are no submissives or Dominants, i realized that my desire to serve was growing stronger with each passing day, so i gave the Gorean lifestyle one last try.
Even-though Gor is not right for me, it did lead me back on the road which is correct for me: D/s. I intend to find a Master that is right for my Second Life and Real Life. Finding a Dominant that will accept my RL situation may prove to be more difficult, as i am extremely physically challenged.
They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and i certainly believe that. The trials during my journey has lead me to become a more humbled, optimistic, open and grateful person. You might have the questions "you're still optimistic after everything you have went through and still endure?" Yes, as i believe that i will achieve my dreams and that nothing is impossible. It is my hope that you will never give up on your aspirations, because we are all worthy of happiness.
Until next time,
Sarah
Sunday, May 6, 2012
A Lesson in Discipline
The one thing I'm most certain about is that I'm a perfectionist. My Master sees it (puts up with it would be a better way to describe it but then again he's a perfectionist as well - we can't escape it!), my boss sees it, and I constantly battle with it. Battle is definitely the appropriate word. Being wound so tight about things isn't necessarily the healthiest way to function because perfection is impossible, but at the same time falling back into trying to maintain such high standards is a comfort zone for me. One might argue that this would fall back into my slightly neurotic need for copious amounts of structure but that's another topic entirely. The issue I'm talking about today is what happens when I fail at something. Failing by not meeting my standards, failing by making a mistake. Not hitting that level or performance that I expect from myself. It's such a hard thing for me to let go of when it happens and it can actually interfere with Master's responsibility to properly discipline me.
The other day I had slipped up and agreed to do something without first running it by him. Granted, he hadn't explicitly made that a rule for me but he's my Master and at this point in our relationship it should be a common sense type of thing. On the other hand, it was an honest mistake - a case of getting too caught up in the moment. However, I fell well below the expectations I have for myself and couldn't shake the feeling of being "not good enough." After all, I had unintentionally taken control away from him, the exact opposite of anything I ever wanted. And then that's all I can focus on. I wasn't as good as I know I can be, as I expect myself to be.
Then Master said something that finally got through to me. In getting so upset with myself I took away his ability to discipline me as he saw fit. Discipline is HIS responsibility, not mine. I shouldn't fear slip-ups, because everyone makes them. Being imperfect doesn't make him love me any less. Making a mistake doesn't mean I'll lose my collar. I trust in Master, and I know he'll handle the situation in a way that's best for both of us. I'll be expected to learn from the experience, I'll be expected to accept the discipline I'm dealt and I'll be expected to move on and for my full attention to be focused on Master. Trying to meet the expectations he has set for me is where my attention belongs.
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