I know in past blogs i have taught about the art of happiness. And, as i said, the only person who can "make" you happy is yourself. If you are not willing to allow some ray of sunshine into your own world, then no one else can either. But a lot of the reason people end up in this position is because of past hurts. They become jaded and disillusioned with aspects of life. Rather than go through the pain again, they become bitter as a means of protecting themselves.
Lets us go on a little trip together and explore this jaded soul. Just how use full is being jaded really? As i mentioned, its a sort of self protective shell some people put around themselves. A bitter green skin that turns people away just to look at it. And some even wear it like a badge of honor. I have seen people approach others with almost the very first words from them being "I've been hurt before, so nice to meet you but how are you gonna try to kick me?"
That really helps make a warm and fuzzy conversation don't it?! That is JUST the kind of person i want to spend less than five seconds of my life around. So as a protective measure...while it may work..is altogether self destructive. A person who approaches new people, for any reason, with this sort of attitude will be an island all to themselves alright. The problem with it is that we are human. And humans, by basic nature, are social animals. In some form or another we CRAVE contact. Not talking sexual here. Just basic "hi how ya doin?" or "i gotta tell you what just happened to me today!" After a while even the jaded soul needs SOME one to talk to. But after spending so much time telling the world "i am miserable and don't want you around" ..guess what? Nobody IS around.
As i was spinning this thought around in my mind another thought came to me too. Aren't we punishing innocent people for our past if we live in jade world? Think of it this way; if a six foot man with blond hair and blue eyes commits murder, do we then go on the street and grab the first six foot blond man and throw him in jail? Of course not. There has to be proof that the person who is actually responsible is the one that gets punished. I'm not saying justice hasn't made a screw up or two and punished the wrong person. When that happens there is usually a public outcry. The message simply is that the person who committed the crime is the one that does the time.
Not so in the eyes of the jaded. In their mind EVERYONE is guilty and there is no innocent party. They punish everyone and hold everyone accountable for their pain. And while there may be someone who DID hurt them, that is not the fault of the rest of the world. Unfortunately these people also seem to have the opinion that not only is the rest of the world responsible, but anyone who tries to get close had better be ready to atone for the crime too.
So let me see if i got this right. I did not hurt you. in fact i have never met you. Now you hold me responsible for your pain AND if i want to know you on any level i have to pay for the pain you went through as though it were my fault. Gee look at the time! Sorry, gotta go!
These are the people that don't just look for verification that you wont harm them, they grill you over it. They fire questions like an AK 47 over your nose and if you show just a hint of hesitation...BLAM! Charged, Found Guilty, and Shot. When talking about the lifestyle, this sort of attitude is probably the most frustrating to me. I love answering questions and trying to help people understand some of the deeper aspects. It is challenging for new people. I understand that vanilla training makes it hard for them to wrap their mind around new concepts.
BUT..if you come to me with questions remember that you came to ME. I am not obligated to get down on bended knee and beg you to understand. I am also not going to give you answers you may agree with. That is ok. You don't have to understand or agree. But i am not a criminal for my beliefs. And nor is the lifestyle. If someone has been abused in the past and has trust issues, that is regrettable. But not the fault of those of us who live in the lifestyle. It also BEGS the question; if you have trust issues WHY would you want to look into a lifestyle that is BUILT on trust? The fact is, if you are looking for companionship it doesn't matter WHAT lifestyle you choose. YOU have the issue and YOU need to fix it. No one can do that for you. And no one can promise in ANY lifestyle that you wont get hurt again. Relationships don't come with guarantees. They are a leap of faith in trust. And people have a hard time hopping on broken legs.
So to the jaded souls of the world, my final Sub-Stance. I am sorry for you that you were hurt. There are a lot of reputable psychologists you can turn to in helping get past this. But i didn't cause your pain. I am not responsible for making it better or atoning for it. I will be happy to listen but i don't have the magic cure for you. All i have is what i believe in. And i honestly don't care if you accept it or not. I never said it was for you. You are the only one who can decide that. I live and believe in this lifestyle because it actually works for me. I teach it because some people want to learn about it, not grill and punish me for it. And if you have taken the time to hear the answers and still don't like them, that is your decision too. I hold no animosity toward you for not accepting it. But as momma taught me when i didn't like or want something ; just say no thank you and politely walk away. If you turn around, however, don't expect me to be on my knees begging your forvigness. I am innocent and have nothing to be sorry or ashamed of. That green stone prison...is your own creation. So only you have the key to getting out.
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