Clichés are the enemies of quality

We’ve all heard them and likely have even said clichés. During times of trouble people say “You’re never given more than you can handle” or “All your needs will be met”. Those clichés are cliché for a reason. Is it because they are true or because they give us comfort?

It is my opinion that the first cliché “You’re never given more than you can handle” is utter nonsense. If it were true, I would be omnipotent. I have often been given more than I can handle which in turn caused me to reach out. The second cliché mentioning “All your needs will be met” has always been a conundrum for me. If this is true, why are there hungry, sick, hurt, or lonely people?

Maybe it’s just me who doesn’t accept that as an answer to one of life’s mysteries. In any case, it leads me to my point which is about the choices we make and our needs. It is true that we all have some common needs. How do we define needs? How do we measure needs? How do we learn to make choices that will empower us to be our best? Because, by nature, dominance and submission can result in serious harm in every aspect, it is particularly crucial as a member of the D/s lifestyle to answer these questions.

I postulate that needs are much more than basic elements. Truly, we must have more than basic functions if we are going to thrive. I believe that needs are about setting priorities. For example, I need to be involved and part of the community so I can continue to serve, learn, and grow. But if I were to become ill my need and priority would shift markedly. It is about balance.

So often we hear about needs vs wants in discussions. For me it is simple: there are layers of need.

(I highly recommend at least skimming Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need)

Do those layers of need make me vulnerable? I say absolutely not. When need turns into needy and results in me compromising who I am, what I believe, and what I value, that is when I become vulnerable. It is my responsibility.

I hear people say that the collar does not define them, or it is asked “Do you need to be dominated to be submissive?” It is good that a token doesn’t define anyone, but what it symbolizes is no less important. I am submissive whether I am dominated or not. It is who I am. So no, I do not need to be dominated to be submissive, but I freely admit that I do need a Dominant. It’s true.

That does not make me needy or vulnerable. It says that I am submissive and to thrive and grow into my best, a Dominant would be most effective in guiding me toward experiencing my most pure submission. What I will not do is compromise my own hierarchy of need in order to have a Dominant. I was taught that “It is better to be alone than in bad company.” Another wise person said “Be true to yourself and you will not be untrue to anyone else.” See, I love some clichés!

Invariably, as humans we make wrong choices. The line between need and want becomes blurry. We sometimes lose focus of our priorities and who we are, what we believe, and what we value. And I say, when we take the positive and learn what we can from those choices; we can become better people, better Dominants and submissives. When we take responsibility for our actions and choices we are ultimately being true to ourselves, to whom we are and to what we believe and value.

There is so much that we share and discuss in our community. It is only a matter of striving to be self-aware and honest and taking responsibility to ensure we are doing our part to meet our needs, corporately and individually. I think it's cliché to make excuses for bad behavior and bad choices and those clichés are the enemies of quality of life and quality of relationship. It is one of the most difficult things in the world to need to explain and be understood. One of the best lessons I've learned through 'bad' choices is to own my own stuff! Doing so sets me free to continue along this journey uninhibited.

My Sub Stance: My needs can guide me to being my best!