Dictionary.com defines acceptance as: favorable reception, approval. Therein lies the problem, favorable reception. Approval. APPROVAL.
As a community we battle for acceptance in the vanilla world. Many of us may hide who we are from most people because we fear their reaction, the consequence, because we are so certain they will not accept us or our lifestyle or our choices. In response, the community is almost forced to draw tighter upon itself. Since almost all of us share this communal lack of acceptance from the vanilla world, one would expect a more accepting community to form.
Is it not somewhat hypocritical to see those who take part in the lifestyle, a lifestyle that has struggled with acceptance from the vanilla world, turn around and practice the same behavior of judging others? It's so hard for me to wrap my head around hating someone, disliking someone, or turning someone away because of something they like, practice or believe in. A community that faces a common judgment from mainstream society should be expected not to repeat the behavior. This needs to change. We need to support each other because we are not likely to find the same kind of support out side of our community. Who do we have if we don't have each other?
What does it matter if someone enjoys something you don't? A lot of the hate, shunning, and judging comes from ignorance. If you don't understand something it must be bad; it must make that person a really bad person, right? That's some of the most dangerous kind of thinking. A lot of the need to hide what we do comes from the history of BDSM when sadomasochism was considered a mental illness and private groups had to protect themselves from intensely opposing outsiders. However, as outside acceptance and tolerance grew, acceptance within the community should have grown as well.
Why do we lack the tolerance for others, be it a kink, or a sexual preference or a lifestyle preference? There are many many times it's been preached that all views are welcome, that you are surrounded by a safe group of people. Yet people are still attacked for sharing an opposing viewpoint, sometimes in public, sometimes in a more underhanded way. What's the point? Why do people feel the need to bring others down? Shouldn't we practice what we preach and try to unite our community as much as possible?
We will never all believe in the same thing and that's the beauty of this lifestyle - the rich, diverse, spectrum of desires and kinks, practices and beliefs. Where the hell do we get the right to judge others based on what they do? The only people I've seen forcing their beliefs on others are those who seem to be the most intolerant to difference. We risk losing the chance to get to know really spectacular people simply by making decisions about people and who they are before we actually get to know them.
We don't have to agree with everything people say; opinions are something we're all entitled to, but not obligated to follow. It doesn't hurt to listen. It doesn't hurt to think, reevaluate and discover. We accomplish nothing if we drive away people from the community because of a difference in opinion. Now is the time to embrace our community members. Now is the time to welcome new thoughts and growth, fresh ideas and people. Acceptance doesn't mean agreeing, acceptance means giving everyone the right to use their voice.
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