Band-Aid D/s

I have been thinking much of this life’s journey. Some of my trains of thought include: conditioning, growth, issues, character, traits, and identification. Quite the mish mash of thought and I spend a lot of time trying to link it all together to make sense out of what I observe in myself and others. A lot of my thought process comes from contemplating nature vs. nurture philosophy. Understanding how we are made, who we are, how we are influenced, and what we believe, along with our hierarchy of needs, is of paramount importance, in my opinion. These are the things which determine our priorities, our paths, and our interfaces with all of life.

I abhor condemnation, however I think that judgment is critical to making strides toward understanding these complex concepts. I must be able to perceive, assess, and evaluate myself and, yes, even others in situations where I am a part. Starting deep within, moving outward to my immediate family, then to my social circle, then the larger circle of community, I must be cognizant of the things that are the threads of our humanity which make us the whole of who we are as individuals and as a community. The importance of this is relative, I suppose, but for me this understanding is what defines the next right act in my life, or how I respond.

I have found myself perplexed lately by a paradigm which I call Band-Aid D/s. My own belief is that we each bring our own baggage through life; we all have ideals, issues, beliefs, and perceptions which essentially dictate how we move through our day to day reality. I have experienced disappointment and disillusionment in observing that in some cases, people (who are just like every other person) get involved and enter into the lifestyle. They have their own mix of baggage and, like everyone else, are trying to find happiness and success. These people enter into the lifestyle and find seeming approval, validation, value, and satisfaction merely by joining together in community or even more personally in a household. But it seems that is where the journey ends. It mystifies me. Somehow some people are content to show up and say the words, give and receive a promise and this genesis of power exchange provides the balm to their soul which we all need so dearly. The idea of D/s seemingly heals hurts, insecurities, appetites, and fears and gives them what they seek.

Sadly, a lot more hurt can result, and people may find themselves in a cycle or loop, and like a tornado they wreak havoc in their own lives and in the lives of others. I believe that it is only the idea of D/s which they have grasped. In reality they do not actually practice Dominance or submission. They do not use any of the tools or concepts widely discussed in most educational venues, in fact their behavior may be quite the opposite of what We as a community define in a general sense as D/s.

So the dilemma which I find myself considering is how do *I* conduct myself particularly with those individuals who practice Band-Aid D/s. First of all, it is ludicrous to judge what is going on with a person unless you specifically know them, at least enough to measure their actions vs. their words. Additionally, I believe it is essential to be open minded and loving, knowing that we each are all on our own journey. Those Band-Aid D/sers might be somewhere along the way to realization, and I would rather be an instrument of edification. One way to see it is that maybe I am the one sowing seeds, or watering planted seeds, helping to cultivate something undiscovered. So HOW do I conduct myself and still maintain and preserve that sanctity and integrity of my D/s?

Well, it all boils down to a few simple things: first and foremost – it never fails to be true to myself. This means allowing my character, my core values, and even my baggage and growth to determine how I act and speak. It means to think things through and don’t indulge in destructive thinking or enabling it in others. It means to be gently and painfully honest and open, being vulnerable, trusting that in the end Truth always wins. And one silly ideal I have always indulged is ‘trouble always eliminates itself’. It’s true to a point, but the “defender-of-the-helpless” in me, wants to righteously pursue justice and protect myself and the community from those who wreak havoc and who seem committed to their path of selfish self centered parasitic involvement in the community. Fortunately, I have a strong family who is my sounding board and support, and I have a strong community who like me are committed to RESPECT, HONOR, ACCEPTANCE, and TOLERANCE, who also make their stand on what is true. I find myself, in the end, balancing everything out, coping, and continuing to grow into a better submissive and human being. I believe without a doubt that the key is understanding.

And with that I am reminded of one of my favorite poems/songs:
Divine, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Divine, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.