Finding the me in my submission: a turning point

I've been debating sharing this. For one, it's a really personal experience, and a very emotional one at that. But then I thought, what if someone was reading this and in a similar position. What if someone needed to hear the staggeringly positive emotions that could be right around the corner. I guess this constitutes as a disclaimer. This is my experience, and can probably be labeled as one of the best days of my life. If I can help someone else chance upon something as equally as rewarding, then this has been worth it.

The other day, I had the most incredible experience. Things have shifted so unexpectedly. The happiness I’ve found can’t be measured. I don’t know if it’s from throwing myself into as many educational opportunities as possible or my friends or me uncovering a large portion of myself that I was unable to reach before. Perhaps it’s a combination of everything.

I’ve hit a really good place in my submission. I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately, and picking up a lot of things – what I like, what about Dominance and submission draws me to it, why I’m submissive. I’ve had this insatiable appetite to know more about everything. That’s nothing new, but suddenly I’m feeling so different. It was early one morning before I was at work and I had a moment to just reflect. My mind drifted to where it wanted to, which ended up being my current state as a submissive. And what surprised me the most was what I felt. I was happy. Incredibly happy. Happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

This amazing sense of peace settled and I didn’t feel pressured or anxious. I wasn’t hopeful because I was content. My submission in itself brought me joy. I felt what it meant to embody my submission and the accompanying freedom. I could feel an overwhelming complete sense of joy, openness, and love radiate from the top of my head to the bottoms of my feet. It was such a rush, I had a high the rest of the day. My coworkers couldn’t figure out why I was grinning.

I think there’s a power and a beauty in relying on yourself and in finding your inner strength. For me, I found where my true joy lies. In being submissive, in recognizing that need within myself and allowing it to grow I’ve opened myself up. I push myself to keep learning. For me personally, I feel like the more I learn the more I’m doing for myself and the more in touch I become with the submissive I am. It’s like a cycle – the more I learn, the more self-aware I am. The more self-aware I am, the more I can explore. It’s exciting! I know these feelings have only scratched the surface of what’s out there, and I’m not only thrilled to have reached such a positive place – I’m excited

This positive energy – I still feel it. I think my mind and heart were finally ready. I don’t doubt myself anymore. I’m way more confident in my choices, my opinions and my thoughts. I believe everyone has their own timeline and this isn’t a conscious choice. It’s a turning point – one that happens when you’re ready. To feel such an absoluteness in my own submission is such a huge step. I’ve always known that the collar doesn’t make the submissive but now I feel it.