Why Are We Here???

When you walk into a room or a street or someones house, sometimes you can have this feeling of.."Something brought me here and I don't understand it." There are many times this may happen to me on an emotional side.

I have decided to share some of my own thoughts with you, and show you a little bit of myself.

I use to a lot stand somewhere and say.. "What am i doing here?" I would ask myself why I am there, but it's not till a later time i realize exactly why I was there. It is amazing how life can offer us so much and mother nature is beautiful and then you realize, YOU have so much to offer yourself.

It was a weir time for me to figure this out. I was under a lot of stress, emotionally and physically, mentally even. When I am under stress I tend to think more deeply about things - which could be the way we all think. I tend to dissect things naturally, but slower.

We all talk about the cookie cutter Sub, we all talk about the subs, submitting only on command, we talk about the subs who say.."Me me me". I was her at one time.

I remember Imíng someone in Secondlife, I didn't know why I was in this persons IM.. But now I see exactly why.

I used to submit on command. I was the one with the thoughts of... "Mr Dommy Dom, I will submit when I want to. I would get  cold negative reactions, and then I would start thinking that I was not good enough. I didn't see the behavior, I didn't see the way I was acting. I would act out to get attention, all because I did not feel worthy enough.

Growing up I had a tough situation, it forced me to grow up, but it also forced me to be quiet. Don't show your emotions, because you would only be punished for it, and really.. Who wants to hear some silly little girl's opinion. That's the way my mind worked.

When i found my submission, or just felt it a little I was so excited of the fact that someone was going to take care of me for once. That there helped me down the track of the cookie cutter attitude. The fingers started pointing...."Well hey.. I have submitted to you, now you owe me everything in return. Everything being.. My expectations. It through me in very scary situations.

I have a few good friends who now will tell me straight. They help me see so many different angles and it really helps.

I use to feel empty while in a relationship. I was always searching for that validation to make me feel better. But I wanted them to be proud of me, but no matter what they gave, it was not reaching my expectation. I was very much a "fix me fix me"girl.

About a year ago, I remember standing out the front of Sos doors and feeling this warmth, feeling this pleasure, this switch just turning on. At first I thought i was going to be ill, because that hot rush only came if i was ill. Then I realized exactly what it was.. My very own submission.

That moment on i had so many positive people in my life that I was learning off. I was in that exciting time......"I feel it, I can feel my submission!!!!!!!" Then the race for the peak of the mountain started.
I was learning so much about myself that I didn't want it to stop, so I was like racing to the top of every peak.

Well did I learn a great lesson there. I was missing out on all the little things. I wasn't stopping to smell the roses, I just wanted the car to keep going with no gas..."Get me there, get me there". I started to see that the little thing I was learning and growing from were the most beautiful, spiritual things about myself. I started to ask if we can pull over for a break. I wanted to smell the roses and when I realized how beneficial that was for me.... Now it's like a motivator to slow down.

The meaning of this blog is.... "We may not thing we are exactly where we need to be at times, but I could nearly say... You are exactly where you are meant to be".

We do like to rush, but take that time, relax. There are people who come in to our lives, and at the time it may be a negative feeling, but then, after a few months, there is always... yes always something they have given us, even if they do not know... So why are we here??... Because I am on a life journey with myself, so just breathe it in.

Thank you.
Tahlia Snoodle