Monday, July 29, 2013

The Gorean lifestyle

The Gorean lifestyle has a bad reputation. I believe the reason for this is that T/those W/who are against the Gorean lifestyle don't understand that everything that happens in role-play, doesn't always take place in reality. Please allow me to give Y/you some examples.

In the Gorean lifestyle, it's said that slaves are on the same level as animals. Furthermore, it's believed that Masters love their slaves as much as they love a favorite knickknack. These points may be seen during role-play sessions, but not in reality. W/we A/all know that P/people can't be replaced and that W/we A/all want to be loved unconditionally for the I/individuals that W/we are.

The last example that i want to give is the most misunderstood aspect about the Gorean lifestyle. The Gorean lifestyle dictates that slaves have no limits. This is simply impossible. EVERYBODY has limits, both online and offline.

The Gorean lifestyle is one that confuses M/many, due to the novels that are written about it and onlineisms that were created about it. But i hope the information that i provided about this lifestyle helps T/those W/who are interested in exploring it or learning more about it.


Monday, July 22, 2013

The Past is the Past for a Reason

Always remember... the past is the past for a reason.

I work a lot on practicing the advice I give to people, because there are some things that are just harder for me to follow through on.  I started, ages ago, based on something I saw on an episode of How I Met Your Mother, writing a letter to myself at the end of a relationship, reminding myself why the relationship ended, what lead up to it, the things I did wrong and needed to change, the things the other person contributed to that would need to change, else the situation would never get better.  I would do this in case I ran into this person down the line and thought they'd changed and thought it may work again... I could go back and remind myself, "This is why it ended.  Are you seeing these things still there?"

Unfortunately for me, I sorta stopped getting in the habit of doing this. I still bring it up as a suggestion in discussions as something that might be positive to do, especially for when you're vulnerable and think it really may be different this time... but I've found myself writing letters less and less.  And what's even more unfortunate is that it took a negative situation in my life, in which a letter would've REALLY helped me avoid a lot of hurt, to remind myself that, "Hey... that really is a pretty good idea."

When it comes to ending a relationship, you hear all of us preach all the time about owning your shit, and this letter is no different.  Writing from an emotional place where you blame EVERYTHING on the other person is going to get you nowhere... but taking a calm approach to it and being able to outline things like, "This was my first poly relationship and I had jealousy issues.  Perhaps poly isn't for me, but to know for sure, this is definitely something I need to work on."  This will help with your own self-improvement as well.  The letter shouldn't serve as a way to vent about the other person, or to bash them (even though the only person that should see it is you)... bashing your ex never gets you anywhere productive.  But the letter should serve as a reminder: These are the areas I needed to grow in for this to work; these are the areas they needed to grow in for this to work.  That way, if you're ever faced with this opportunity again, you can sit down and ask yourself, "Have I grown through my jealousy issues, or is it still going to be a problem?  Have they gotten better with their time management between their submissives, or am I just going to feel neglected again?"  It allows you to objectively look at the situation, as opposed to getting caught up in the emotions of the moment and that temporary optimism of believing that everyone can inherently become the perfect version of themselves, if given enough time to discover it.

Because trust me... being caught up in the emotions and allowing yourself to do something that you later regret... can be more detrimental than the initial relationship ending was in the first place.

I know I'm pledging to go back and write myself letters... and to keep up the practice of doing so.  Because at this point, with the mistakes I made up to this point, I can't blame anyone but myself to allowing myself to get put back into the same situation I was in years ago.  I didn't look at it objectively... I looked at it emotionally.  And maybe if I had that letter staring me in the face, I could've been shocked into objectivity.

Sorry I haven't blogged for awhile.  I've kinda neglected my own blogs too.  It's been an interesting time in RL and in SL, but things are slowing down again and falling back into rhythm.  I should try to be back more consistently soon.

In service and in spirit,

Sunday, July 21, 2013


In Second Life, there are many ways to meet P/partners. But is participating in auctions a good way to meet a potential M/mate? Why or why not?


Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Heart of a Master

The last few days I have experienced pain from un-collared subs to Masters who have done the un-collaring. Being the empath I am, this was too much of an overload for me. I felt the pain from both aspects. You may ask how can you feel the pain for the Dom, have you ever been one? How do you know how it feels to lose a sub? The answer is because I love one! And I spend every night with him, I see, I feel, his emotions, I am in every aspect a part of him.
Don't underestimate or take for granted your value to your Dominant or how important you are in making his life move ahead in a steady flow. A submissive is precious to a Dom because of the investment he has put forth; he has loved, cared, protected, taught, disciplined and eternally planned everything with her. Don't look at yourself and see merely a property or a thing in his life. You are His and owned by him, you have a place inside his being and it goes deep, you are his family, his own and to his own liking, you nourished and enhanced his personality and domination, you accepted him for who he is. ( You may laugh at his jokes and love his parables, smiles at Master)
Therefore, when a Dominant takes the last look at his submissive before she leaves, a piece of his heart is following her, his life stops for a minute and never becomes the same again. It doesn't matter what the reasons are or the cause for leaving, whether it is a temporary trip, release or even death. The empty place she left inside his soul can never be the same because what they shared and went through together is beyond simple understanding.
Do not take your Dom for granted, he has reasons, we may never understand. just know that he loves you more than you ever will know.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Pain tolerance

My question for Y/you A/all might be basic question but may have a complex answer. Can a P/person's pain tolerance be increased? Why or why not?


Monday, July 8, 2013

Submissives and slaves are not weak people

Many people who identify as vanilla have this idea that those who label themselves as a submissive or slave are weak.This view is a misconception.

Slaves and submissives have taken on this station after they have fully educated themselves on what it requires. For those who have chosen to be owned by a Dom/me, online, offline and/or both, have taken the time to get-to-know the Master or Mistress that they are submitting to and the rules set forth by these person's.

I hope the individuals that question the strength of submissives and slaves, to take the time to learn on what the life truly is for a slave and a submissive.


Tuesday, July 2, 2013


Comfort zones, how do we expand them within boundaries in a safe sane and consensual way to expand and grow in our selves and in our dynamics?  Please jion me in this thought provoking topic this Tuesday at 4 pm slt. at SOS.

I will be using the following articles as a outline and starting point for this discussion.  Please give full credit to these authors and leave comments on their sites.

At the edge of our comfort zone

At the edge of our comfort zone is a place of expansion. When we find that edge and play on it, we increase our capacity for life.
It’s a delicate balance. When we stay in our comfort zone and seek only safe options, we don’t expand. This is OK for a while: it’s important for us to feel safe in the world and not to get overwhelmed. This is particularly true when we’re young and we’re discovering what feels right for us. However if we spend most or all of our time in our comfort zone, not only do we not grow as people but our comfort zone shrinks. As we get older the range of ‘safe’ options narrows and we limit our capacity.
Going too far out of our comfort zone is equally dangerous. When we dive into things that feel unsafe without awareness of where our edge is, we go into the ‘terror zone’ – a place where we’re easily overwhelmed, quickly lost and often hurt. This also affects our capacity: by going too far beyond our edge we retreat back to our comfort zone and it shrinks.
This diagram illustrates the range of movement in a simple way:
At the edge of our comfort zone
(Thanks to Dakini Kimaya for this marvellous diagram, which helped me to understand this question deeply.)
Just beyond the edge of our comfort zone is the ‘magic zone’: a place of expansion and transformation. If we keep ‘daring greatly‘ into this zone, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and take the right amount of risk, amazing things happen. This is the place where we expand our capacity, stretch ourselves and become bigger, bolder people. This is the place where the magic happens. By spending time in this zone we expand our comfort zone, so that we are able to do, feel and experience more.
So how do we find the magic zone? First we need to discover and honour our boundaries. One of the biggest misconceptions among personal growth seekers is that throwing boundaries out the window is the way to expand. It is not. When we overlook our emotional and spiritual safety we quickly go into terror, and this causes us to contract not expand. Knowing our boundaries is absolutely essential for safe exploration beyond our comfort zone.
Knowing our boundaries is an important step but it’s not the final destination. When we find our boundaries and play within them, it helps us build trust and confidence in ourselves and in our relationships with others. There is a close correlation between boundaries and our comfort zone: too tight and we don’t grow, too loose and we lose any benefit. As with most things in life, it’s the exquisite edge that we are looking for.
Some people are natural ‘no’ people and others are natural ‘yes’ people. The challenge for ‘no’ people is to let their boundaries be a little more permeable; the challenge for ‘yes’ people is to define and hold their boundaries. Knowing what kind of person you are is a great starting-point.
Once we know our boundaries and we feel safe, we can venture to our edge. The edge is different for each person, and also different in different situations. The kind of openness that’s right when making love or doing BDSM is very different from the kind of openness that’s right when we’re on the Underground. Our boundaries change from situation to situation and sometimes from moment to moment; the better we get at knowing and honouring them, the better our chance of finding the edge of our comfort zone.
With boundaries in place to create a safe container we can venture beyond our comfort zone to the place where magic happens. By bringing awareness to this process and getting support from people who love us, we can do this safely over and over again. And it’s wonderful to see what happens when we do: each time we venture into the magic zone our comfort zone expands a little more. By risking it we allow a little more life in.
Nothing is assured and there’s risk inherent in this process. For this reason we also need to be gentle and forgiving with ourselves and others when we venture beyond our comfort zone. Knowing and stating our boundaries helps a lot. It also helps to know that the people we are exploring our edge with love and respect us. When we are outside our comfort zone we are vulnerable and exposed, and it doesn’t take much to push us from here to terror. For many people this is an excuse not to go there, to avoid risk at all costs. But to do this is to deny ourselves the possibility of expansion and growth, and in time our comfort zone shrinks and shrinks. I saw my dad and stepmother do this as they got older, with the result that their world became painfully narrow and their feeling of unsafety grew and grew.
We must continue to be brave and play on our edge to keep growing, and this is particularly important as we grow older. Naturally the body slows down and stiffens as we get older, yet some older people seem vibrant and full of life while others feel old and tired. Our society supports the idea that ageing equals contraction, but I don’t believe it’s necessary. I believe that if we keep venturing beyond our comfort zone to the place where magic happens, we can stay young and flexible in spite of our ageing bodies.
Often it’s hard at first to know our boundaries, to know how to find the edge and to expand our comfort zone. For this reason it’s great to have the support of someone who’s experienced in this work. A lot of my work as a Personal Growth Coach and Ecstatic BDSM practitioner is about helping my clients to find their exquisite edge and explore it safely. I do this by placing a great emphasis on boundaries and safety when inviting people outside their comfort zone. The combination of being safely held and being taken to scary places is hugely expansive.
Whether you choose to work on this with me, another practitioner or friends and lovers, I encourage you to find your edge and play on it as often as you can. You’ll be amazed at what is possible when you allow yourself just beyond your comfort zone.

We will aslo discuss portions of the following articals:

Master Merlin Sworthain