Sunday, June 30, 2013

Happy Birthday SOS!

Happy third birthday SOS!!! It's an honor being able to help a community like this.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Top 10 Wrong Reasons to Be in a Relationship.

This will be the topic for Tuesdays Master/slave discussion at S.O.S. at 4:00 PM slt.  We will delve into how this affects the Master/slave dynamic and the special dangers involved in our lifestyle.  How does a slave cope with not having a Master and a Master not having a slave.  Some of the questions we will discuss are. 

  • How do we know when we are mentally healed enough to begin a new dynamic?
  • How do we tell when we are doing it for the right reasons?
  • What are the warning signs of a person who is not ready?
  • What is meant by the term "Dom Hopper" and should they be avoided"?
  • What is meant by the term "Collector Dom" and should they be avoided"?
  • What is a Rescuer? And what is a Victim? And can these mindsets be destructive?
  •  And finally we will touch on what I think is the root of this entire topic... "Codependency"
 Please bring lots of questions and comments and be prepared to look deeply into the topic as we rip off the scabs and inspect the scars that are often left behind...
I really could not have said the following better my self so please give tons of credit to the author below... 

Master Merlin

Original post and link...


Getting into a Relationship for Wrong Reasons

Are you someone who moves from one unhappy relationship to another? Then that is probably because you got into the relationship for the wrong reasons.
Being in love is an amazing feeling but not all relationships survive. Many relationships end faster than it started. This is because many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Falling in love for all the wrong reasons can result in not only a broken heart but much pain and sorrow that it may even affect future relationships. I can understand a teenager wanting to fall in love out of the fascination or excitement of the concept or feeling of being in love. But it is so sad to see many men and women even getting married for the wrong reasons only to end up in a serious break up or divorce. What are some wrong reasons for liking or falling in love with someone? Given below are top 10 such wrong reasons for being in a relationship.

There are many wrong reasons why people want to fall in love or get into a serious relationship or marriage. Given are top 10 such reasons.

1. Loneliness and Desperation: Majority of those who get into a relationship for the wrong reasons fall into this category. Many people tend to feel worthless or lacking something when they are single or lonely. This emptiness and desperation to be treated as special make them get into relationships fast only to regret later.

2. Friends: Many times guys and girls get into relationship because of friends. If some are been lured into relationship by friends so that they can do things together some get into it because they do not want to miss out on the game of love when their friends are enjoying it. Many people tend to think ‘Everyone else have someone, why not me?’ Such relationships where friends are the motivation are mostly short lived.

3. Distraction from Problems: It is a very common thing to get into relationships to avoid or forget problems. Victims of Bad Parenting are often seen getting into such relationships as a means of escape. Also many people are seen immediately jump into a new relationship after breakup from a long term Relationship on Rebound to forget the pain and loneliness caused by the breakup. Such Relationships may bring passion, purpose and excitement in the short term, but fail to survive as they are not based on love.

4. Pressure to settle down: Many times elders in the family exert pressure to settle down by getting married especially after a certain age. I have even seen mothers getting worried because their daughters could not attract any guys towards them. Relationships for the sake of society or because of desperation because everyone says you should often do not stand the test of time.

5. Need for/to Support: Many Guys and girls look for support by getting into relationship. Especially there are many girls even in this modern age that cannot stand on their own and look for support from father, brother or husband all the time. Many who get into relationships are on the lookout for someone who would take care of them. This can be the opposite too. A need for being a support or to have someone who would depend on can also prompt people to get into marriage or serious relationships.

6. Need of Physical Intimacy: For many people the motivation for relationship is Sex or Physical intimacy with the Partner. Desperation for Sex can many times result in jumping into the sack with the wrong people.

7. Getting into Relationships out of Sympathy/Guilt: Many people get trapped into relationships out of sympathy or guilt. I recently got a mail from a girl who got into a relationship because the guy tried to end his life when the girl rejected him. She is unhappy and depressed and wanted a way out without hurting the Guy. Such relationships can make one feel trapped and unhappy.

8. He /She is a Challenge: Many times people try to win over others because they are unavailable and presents a challenge. Winning over such a person is a triumph and such a person would be a prize Trophy to show off.

9. Caught Up In The Moment: Many times Guys and Girls get caught up in the moment. What they thought attractive a short while ago does not appeal to them anymore as they were impulsive at that point of time. That is why we see make breakups within days, weeks or months.

10. Convenience: Many times people get into relationships just because they find it’s Convenient. While in college I had a friend who was in a relationship with a Restaurant and Coffee Shop owner and used to take friends there and we never had to pay a dime for all the fantastic dishes we ate there. Once the college was over the relationship broke up. Some other reasons can be that the person has a swimming pool, car etc which can be used or borrowed.
I am not telling that some people who start their relationship on the right note do not fail in their relationship or does not fall out of love, but the chances of relationships break down are more in the case of those getting married for the wrong reasons. Have you ever liked someone or got into a relationship just for the sake of it for any of the above reasons? Are there any other reasons you would like to add to the list above? Feel free to add them through your comments.

I really could not have said any of this better my self so please give tons of credit to this author...

Master Merlin


Original post and link...


Sunday, June 23, 2013

Anaïs Nin-the submissive

Anaïs Nin was born on February 21st, 1903, in Neuilly, France. The separation of her parents planted the seed in young Nin's mind that she may lead a life of her choosing, instead of one set for her. 


Up until the mid 1960's, women were expected to follow protocols and rules, that were designed for them by the members of society. One such mandate was that those who join together in matrimony, must stay together until the time of one spouse's death.


Wanting to follow her own path, Nin ended her formal education and became a model for an artist.


In 1923, Nin married her first husband, Hugh Parker Guiler. Mr. Guiler was often busy with his work as a banker, frequently leaving Nin alone for many hours each day. It was then that Nin found her passion for writing.


Feeling dissatisfied with her life, Nin began to seek therapy, under the psychoanalyst, Otto Rank. Through her sessions with him, Nin started to appreciate her sexuality and gender. She also discovered her need to be dominated.


In the following years, Nin wrote several more publications and engaged in relationships that emotionally and physically fulfilled her, thanks to the treatment that she received from Mr. Rank. Some may argue that Nin was very promiscuous and that there is more in being a submissive than sex, so therefore, she isn't a "real" submissive. Others may view her as a role model, as they only enjoy the intimate parts of the BDSM lifestyle. Regardless if she is deemed a "true" submissive or not, Nin did publicize the BDSM culture and paved the way for others to follow their heart.


Saturday, June 22, 2013

Can one serve two Masters in a BDSM dynamic?

     This Question has been posed during a few discussions in the past few weeks here at S.O.S. and I have decided to tackle it head on this Sunday When I fill in For Master Kaddan during her Ying and Yang Discussion Group meeting at A.O.S. at 1:00 slt on June 23rd, 2013

     As we all know some topics are very touchy and this certainly will be one of those.  This particular topic is particularly hard for the M/D type in our lifestyle in all I have read and comments I hear when it is discussed.  Allowing our submissives and/or slaves serve, play, or scene with another is defiantly not something we would consider under normal circumstances.  I would however pose to the reader that these types of dynamics not only exist but can be done and be a very healthy thing for all parties involved.  But it is one of the most difficult dynamics to maintain as there are many more things to consider and a level of communication that I personally feel the majority of people have not the maturity or patience to maintain.

     One scenario is that we see this dynamic in is the swinging community.  These fun loving people (usually couples) swap partners during play parties and communal get togethers or allow the slave or sub to engage in sexual play on a regular basis with others.  This is by far the most common time we see one M/D type allowing another M/D type to Dom or Top their Sub or Slave during a multitude of scenarios.  I would pose that this is not really serving two Masters as the primary M/D in this scenario is controlling the who, what, when, where, etc. of the scenario.  Therefore no T.P.E. happening with the second M/D.  At this time I would like to clarify that this is a broad stroke and there are always exceptions to these statements and I am speaking in generalities.

   Another scenario is that the M/D in the dynamic is physically unable to be in the same room due to it being a online separated by distance and for what ever reason the two cannot be physically together.  In this case the M/D may allow the sub/slave to scene with but not be collared to another M/D.  This is not very common as us M/D types with do almost anything to avoid this as it is very difficult to have the total control over the scene that the first scenario would have as we cannot be there physically to insure the safety and content of the scene.  Also if this were to be allowed it requires even  more open communication and trust than the first scenario requires.  Also a built in risk to the sub/slave is magnified here.

     Then we have the M/D type that is disabled and due to the nature of that disability they again are unable to physically touch, bind, or be a physical presence for their sub or slave.  The people in this scenario are most likely in my opinion the most purely unselfish I have read about and talked to.  They come from a place of understanding and compassion for each other in a way few will ever experience.  But again even in this case the M/D type has the control and decides the who, what, when, where etc.  So I would again pose that this is not serving two Masters.  No T.P.E. is happening between the s-type and the M/D type that is allowed to scene with the s-type in this scenario.

     Now we come to the inexperienced M/D type that may under again a controlled setting allow another M/D type to act as a professional/expert teacher or guide and use the sub or slave as the one the experienced M/D uses to teach the inexperienced one how to perform various techniques of B/D and S/M.  This is a common thing that does happen more than many would like to admit because it it usually a training scene and not a play scene and is kept very private.  In my opinion still this is not severing two Masters as no T.P.E. is occurring.  My personal opinion is this is not a bad thing but I do feel it is better for the M/D to experience these things for them selves to fully understand what it means to submit and have these techniques used on themselves.  It will give the M/D type a deeper level of what power they have and the potential dangers of many of the techniques used in all these scenarios.

     And now we come to the one that is I feel the rarest of the occasions.  The two M/D household or dynamic.  Takes a hugs breath here as i don't personally think I could do this however there are a few very loving and caring dynamics out there that so engage in this.  This is by far the most difficult.  The parties that have this in their dynamic at all times must have total transparency with one another and set in stone ground rules that far exceed in my opinion any of the other scenarios I have brought up so far.  Can you imagine the confusion and trouble a sub/slave could get into in this dynamic?  The stepping on toes the two M/D types must avoid?  The communication level and maturity of the parties in this dynamic must be the number one rule and adhered to at every turn for this to work.  I have found through a lot of reading that in these dynamics, although not always the case, one or more of the M/D types are switches and or the sub or slave is.  Or more common one of the M/D types is the one in charge and is the one in a T.P.E. with the sub or slave and the second M/D defers to the first as the one who has final say in all things that may arise and follows the protocols that are set by them.  Again this may not be the only way this dynamic is structured, but these are the most common I have found.  And this by far is the most difficult to maintain from all I have read.

     Now lastly we come to the sub or slave that is married or in a vanilla relationship but has a M/D that is separate from their white picket fence life with the proverbial 2.5 kids mini van etc. or the professional that submits to a M/D after work but does not live it 24/7 with the one in their primary relationship.  These are very common but mostly hidden from anyone's view and often hidden from the primary relationship for a multitude of reasons.  These dynamics can range from healthy to destructive.  

     In my opinion and in my house my relations ships may never be hidden completely from any other person my subs or slaves are involved with intimately.  They must be honest that a relationship that is intimate is occurring but may withhold the details only for the purpose of not making the other party feel they are incapable or providing what the s-type needs.  I actually encourage my subs and slaves that are in internet dynamics with me to seek real life partners to fulfill their lives.  I have actual found this makes our dynamics stronger.  Again this is my approach and I know many will not agree and could never do that with their subs and slaves but my approach is I am not my sub/slaves boyfriend or their husband I am their Master.

     There are many other situations where a sub/slave may find themselves in the position where they may be instructed to serve another M/D but in all of the ones I read about they are not in a T.P.E. with the other M/D.  The primary M/D always is in control of the who, what, when, where etc.  An example of this is our very own alisha... she serves all of us at S.O.S but her Master controls the perimeters of that service and she is actually serving him when she provides her time guidance and advice.  So she is not serving two Masters.  We will cover many more examples of this in the lecture on Sunday.

     In closing I would only caution that we all must be mindful that these dynamics exist and can work but take a huge amount of commitment and require even more patience and a unique approach to life and what it takes to keep a relationship healthy.  If you find yourself endeavoring to indulge in any of these please go in with your eyes wide open and understand the level of maturity all involved must have.  If any are lacking in this I would urge you to rethink it.  And above all be safe, sane, and be sure that all consent to whatever the perimeters of your dynamic is.  Your right to stay and your right to go never ends.

Master Merlin Swordthain

Readers may use for educational purposes only.  Please give credit to the author.  Thank you.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Constructive criticism

  • Dear reader,

           I found this a while back when I came across some one who had a huge issue any time anyone tried to point back at them when any responsibility was required of them in any issue they had with anything in their own life.  I found it very helpful to delve a bit deeper to remind myself what constructive criticism actually is and adjusted my approach a little to make sure I kept it very impersonal.

          Needless to say not everyone is receptive to any form of criticism as they just lack the maturity to look in them selves before they lash out or stomp away ignoring the entirety of what is being said and truly try to listen to anothers perspective.  But as anything in life there is no one size fits all but I do hope if you have anyone in need of some self reflection in your life maybe this article will help you in your endeavor to help them.

    Master Merlin 
  •  Reposted here for educational purposes only all credit to be given to original author.
    original link...
  • Originally Written By: Tricia Ellis-Christensen
  • Revised By: Wanda Marie Thibodeaux
  • Edited By: O. Wallace
  • Copyright Protected:
    Conjecture Corporation
 Constructive criticism is a communication technique intended to identify and find solutions to problems in a positive way. Anyone can use the strategy, although professionals can provide more thorough analysis in many cases. It usually applies to work a person does, or to an individual’s behavior. People respond to the method differently based on their own experiences, preferences and psychology, but a good, well-timed delivery can make a person more receptive to the message.


Unlike general criticism that is negative, a constructive analysis, as the title implies, builds someone up. It identifies at least one problem and gets a person to think about what caused the issue. It also invites her to find possible solutions to whatever is going wrong. By promoting problem solving and self-improvement, it advances a person to the next level of behavior or achievement.


This type of analysis often is associated broadly with work a person does, especially in fields such as art. People also use it when they look at behavior. Although experts in a particular area might be able to give a more thorough analysis, it is not necessary to be a professional to apply this technique. Friends and parents, for example, use it to guide loved ones through tough periods or help them develop certain behaviors or skill sets.


Some individuals take constructive criticism too personally, reacting more with emotion than logic and allowing what others have said to hurt their self-esteem. These people generally miss the fact that whatever was said was meant with good intent. They typically are consciously or subconsciously willing to accept whatever the other person says as being the truth.
The opposite can happen, as well, however. In these cases, the advice gets completely rejected. Those being criticized become defensive, sometimes even verbally attacking the person or group that tried to help. This might happen because self-esteem is overly high, or it might happen because the individuals being criticized are trying to protect themselves against feeling bad. Another reason is that the recipient doesn't respect the speaker.
Ideally, when a person gets criticized, they respond with a balance of these two scenarios. They react emotionally to some degree, but they are able to use logic and to stay objective to see the elements of truth in what has been said. The next step is to self-analyze and develop a game plan for how to make improvements in the project, situation or type of behavior. Doing this requires the ability to identify at least some of the good, personal qualities or resources available. That, in turn, requires awareness of oneself and the environment.

General Delivery

How someone goes about delivering constructive criticism affects how receptive another person is to it. When an individual gets overly detailed and too assertive in the critique, the person being evaluated might feel overwhelmed and become defensive. The same thing can happen if the message is too loaded with emotion.
Generally, even though the person giving the constructive criticism should be able to connect emotionally with the person being assessed, the critique should be fact-centered. It should focus on just one issue at a time and start broadly, getting more precise as the conversation goes on. It also should use “I” language and be balanced with some positive points, as this is less likely to make someone respond defensively. Lastly, making an effort to use questions can help, as it gives the person being assessed a chance to respond, promoting solid two-way communication.
As an example, someone might say, “I’m absolutely loving the effort you’re putting into catching the ball out there on the field, but I feel like getting to the ball a little sooner would give you a chance to improve your technique. What do you think about your speed? Do you have some ideas on how to shave off a little time?”
The above message is effective because it offers some positive reinforcement first, disarming the listener. It clearly identifies that technique needs some improvement, even pointing out that speed relates to the problem, but the speaker’s use of “I” language keeps the listener from feeling attacked. The delivery also ends by giving the person being critiqued the chance to respond with his own thoughts, opinions and feelings. It puts finding a solution into the listener’s hands, making him feel empowered.


Therapists are one group that has to modify constructive criticism delivery slightly. They usually want to remain as neutral and objective as possible with clients, so they pay more attention to the use of “I” language and are careful not to introduce their own emotions or opinions. One reason for this is because there are legal ramifications associated with implying or giving directions outright to clients. Most therapists also believe that therapy is more effective when the client learns how to formulate and implement his own solutions to identified problems. Some clients are too emotionally fragile to accept much criticism, as well.


Even when people know how to use constructive criticism well in terms of phrasing and content, when they deliver their message is just as important as how they deliver it. If a person is extremely upset, for example, his emotional state might prevent him from truly absorbing what the evaluator has said. Giving the message soon after a problem is identified is also a good idea, because the more time that passes after a mistake or opportunity for improvement, the less relevant or urgent the issue seems. Those who offer these types of messages therefore have a responsibility to pay attention to the recipient and his circumstances to figure out if the time is right to talk.

 Reposted here for educational purposes only all credit to be given to original author.
original link...

Monday, June 17, 2013

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #3

(Image found via Google.  Unaltered.)

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Have I got it?
Cause mirror you've always told me who I am
And I'm finding it's not easy
To be perfect
So sorry, you won't define me
Sorry, you don't own me

Alright.  So.  I happened to be listening to that song while I'm writing this.  I'll try and bring up it's relevancy to my thought process a little later.  Lol.

I thought this would go without saying, but I guess it should be stated... anything that people voluntarily offer to this blog is just that... voluntarily offered... and are the thoughts in their mind, the feelings in their heart, etc, that they have chosen to share with those of you who stop by to read.  No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read anything... and therefore, if you read something you don't like... *points to the red x*  You don't need to leave disrespectful comments on the entries.  That's rude, and will ultimately cause the people who voluntarily contribute here to stop contributing.

Anyway... now that that's out of the way...

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #3
Know your enemies, and never become your own worst one.

This rule is broken up into two rather clear parts: 1.) Know your enemy, 2.) Never become your own worst one.  I find the second part of this particular amusing, because aren't we always told that we ARE our own worst enemy? We are our own worst enemy, our own worst critic... there never seems to be any wiggle room here... like there was never a choice in the matter, we simply just ARE.  However, with this rule, it seems to be suggested that there is an evolutionary process... or, rather, de-evolutionary (if it wasn't a word, it is now) process... that one goes through in order to BECOME their own worst enemy.  One that can be stopped if we have the forethought, the presence of mind, and the willpower to keep it from happening.

Part one, on the other hand, seems pretty simple.  Know your enemies.  And I'm not talking, "Oh, well Bob Schmoe just doesn't like me," kind of knowing.  But at the same time, I'm not talking, like, knowing them in a biblical sense, either.  (Though for some, that might be a kink... hate sex.)  Know about the person... perhaps there's someone in their past you remind them of and that's why they're not your biggest fan.  Perhaps, for you older women out there, you remind them of their mother, and their mother happened to be emotionally abusive.  Maybe, for the younger ones, we remind them of their child who ran away from home and hasn't bothered to call or write for 15 years.  Maybe we remind them of an ex.  Maybe we ARE their ex.  There are lots of possibilities.  And I feel like the most important part of knowing your enemy is knowing why they consider you an enemy.  If you can't relate to the person and at least try to understand, that's when drama breaks out.  At least if you attempt to understand, you know what subjects to avoid if there are instances that you HAVE to be around each other.  (Like, say, discussions.  I'm not about to leave a discussion I was interested in just because I may not like someone there.)

But part 2 of that rule is the part that I really want to focus on: "Never become your own worst one."

That suggestion of a de-evolutionary process to BECOMING your own worst enemy, as though it can be stopped, is definitely and interesting concept to me, and not one that I had previously considered before reading this rule.  However, as I read it, and as I look back on it, I can see where it can happen.  I watched it happen this evening.

I will not bring up specifics.  That is one thing I will do my absolute damnedest not to do here.  This is not a place to slander someone.

Tonight in a discussion we discussed the idea of breaking large, seemingly impossible tasks, like putting the pieces back together after a breakup, into smaller, manageable steps.  I LOVE this idea, as I do it for a lot of things in my life to keep from getting overwhelmed.  However, as I've seen tonight, it can be a very destructive process when used in the wrong way.  Let me relate it to a situation in my RL that played out in much the same way as a situation a friend of mine found herself in tonight.  I'd rather make an example out of myself than her.

I used to frequent a swingers club in my local community, as it had a small dungeon space, and it was where my Mentors went to teach the swingers and other newcomers to the lifestyle about the basics of sceneplay.  The Female counterpart of the couple that was Mentoring me at the time absolutely LOVES to do peoples' first floggings.  So I would often sit and watch and just have a good time.  I rarely scened.  I was more an observer.  Especially since they were Mentoring me in Topping moreso than bottoming in sceneplay.  (This was back in a time when I identified as a Switch.)

Now, while spending some time in the front half of the club where the music was playing, the kitchen with the drinks were, etc, I ended up meeting a couple of really nice people.  The female who became one of my closest friends at the club, let's call her Jennifer, introduced me to the male friend she usually came with, let's call him Micah.  Jennifer was a lesbian who pretty much only came with Micah to try and get him laid in a threesome... lol.  Jennifer caught the eye of another friend of mine and they wandered off together, leaving Micah and I to talk.

I don't engage in sexual encounters on the first meeting.  I just don't.  That should be noted here.

After a few moments of talking and getting to know the basics of each other, Micah asked me if I wanted to go back to one of the rooms with Him.  I declined.  I was content to just talk and continue to learn a little more about him, and he about me.  (I had been given the small task for the evening to offer to light the cigarettes of anyone I was sitting with and had been given a lighter to do so.  He asked about it and so I explained the basis of what was going on.)

We talked for another hour and a half or so and he asked again if I wanted to go back to a room with him. I said no.  He asked if I would take him back to the dungeon to show him.  I said sure and walked him slowly back there (to make sure there wasn't a scene in progress.  The space is small enough that it would be unsafe to turn the corner into the dungeon if Miss was playing on the cross She preferred.)  He stood and watched for a minute and then suddenly ducked away.  I followed him to ask if he was alright and if he had any questions.  He said he couldn't stand to watch the pain.  (Miss had started using a single tail whip.)  We walked through the halls, and the rooms had all different kind of set ups and themes, and if the doors were open, we looked at each one.

We sat down on one of the couches in a 'common' area.  It was out in the open, but away from both the dungeon and the club area.  We talked a little bit more and suddenly he kissed me.  I relented and kissed him back, and this continued for a few minutes.  He asked me again to go back to a room with him, and I agreed under the pretense of "no sex."  He agreed.

Once we were in the room, his entire gameplan changed.  Kissing became more aggressive, and it wasn't until I stopped him and told him he was going too far that he backed off.  If I hadn't stood up for myself, I am pretty sure he would've tried to go the rest of the way.

The point of my sharing that story?  He had tried from the beginning to present the 'big picture' idea of sleeping with him. I  declined... so he started using smaller steps against me.  Getting up from the table, getting me alone, getting me to agree to be in the room, and then trying again once we were alone.

There are two different ways I could look at this scenario.  Well, ok, technically three.
  1. I could blame him for EVERYTHING that happened... call him a pig, cry predator, and get him removed from the club and ever being allowed to return again.  I could've told Miss and Sir about the whole thing, who knew the club owner, who knew other club owners, and the whole thing would've spread like wildfire, as these things normally do... all while I shirked any kind of responsibility I had in it.
  2. I could do just the opposite and blame the WHOLE thing on myself.  Granted, HE used some pretty shady tactics to get me back there in the first place, but I could go completely into myself and start picking the situation apart.  "I should've gotten up and walked away the first time he offered."  "I never should've offered to show him the dungeon."  "I should've stayed in the dungeon with Miss and Sir when Micah left."  "I should've never been on that couch with him."  "I should've never agreed to go into the room with him."  All these things I should've or could've done, and I could continue to beat myself up over the situation, all while not acknowledging that HE had used some pretty under-handed tactics to get me in that room in the first place.
Or, I could use the much more harmonious alternative, and "own my own shit"... the things I probably didn't do as well as I could... while still acknowledging that he wasn't completely innocent in the matter either.  I should not have agreed to go into that room, even with agreeing to 'no sex'... but at the same time, he should not have pressured me into the room in the first place.

Now, after that experience, did I haul up in my corner, say all men are pigs, and refuse to return to that club without the direct order of Miss or Sir, knowing I was going to be accompanied by them?  No.  Did I refuse to be around Micah at all?  No.  Like I said, Jennifer became a close friend of mine, so Micah was kinda part of the picture.  I picked myself up by the bootstraps, learned from the situation, and returned to that club just like I always had.  I didn't let that one bad experience with a man only thinking with his lower head ruin my entire experience with the club.  I have a lot of pleasant memories with that club, and I intend to go back here soon.  (In fact, trying to plan a trip for about 2 weeks from now.)

Just remember...
Rules To Live By, Rule #3: "Know your enemies, and never become your own worst one."

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day

To all the Masters, male switches and male submissives/slaves who are dads, have a wonderful Fathers Day!!!!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #2

(Image found via Google.  Unaltered.)

The appropriateness of Rule #2 scares the crap out of me right now.  I thought about not writing today... because I didn't know if I could handle it... but I need to do SOMETHING, and right now, writing seems to be the only thing.  I'm going to apologize in advance if my thoughts are all over the place or are incomplete.  I'm in a really strange place right now... and so I can't actually guarantee what's going to come out.

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #2
In times of tragedy and turmoil, you'll learn who your true friends are.  Treasure them, because they are few and far between.

I've always been aware of the concept of this rule... because I've been a fan of quotes along similar lines.  Things about how you don't find out who your true friends are when things are good, but rather when they aren't.  Stuff like that.  I've always been a firm believe in the pretense that this rule is written off of, but I haven't had to actually live it in awhile.

I just went to check my friend's list.  Currently, according to Firestorm, I have 198 people on my friend's list.  Some of these are people I call friends, some are people I added for business contacts.  I still speak to most of them, given that I do clean my list off fairly frequently to keep it manageable.  The point is, that there's all kinds of people on that list, but I am friendly with every one of them.  I don't keep people around that I hate just because I'm 'afraid of what they'll say' if I remove them.  I'm not like that.

But today, when it feels as though I lost everything, I didn't turn to every one of those people who happened to be online at the time.  I mean, if it's my "friends list" then in theory, I should be able to turn to all of them, right?  But I can't.  Because I keep it as more of a "contacts" list, than a "friends" list.
  • First I have to weed out the people that I only keep there for business purposes.  I don't want to burden them with my personal problems.
  • Then I have to weed out the people that I know wouldn't understand.  There are vanilla and BDSM alike on my list... and the vanilla people just wouldn't understand the gravity behind a slave being released.  It's so much more intense than "My boyfriend broke up with me."
  • Then I have to look at who's actually online.  I probably should've done that first, but again, I'm not thinking the clearest.
  • And of the people that are remaining, there were still only that select few that I could trust openly enough to just collapse into their IM box and pour out everything I was feeling.  All the betrayal, pain, temptations to return to old, unhealthy habits.  These are not things that you discuss with just anyone.  You don't go to some Joe Schmoe off the street and say, "Hey, guess what, I just had my first colonoscopy today!  Doctor said my bowels are really healthy!"  In the same way, you don't go around to just anyone and spout off the nature of your relationship problems, when they are this deep.
And so, I kinda had to live the process of finding out who my true friends are, today... and I will continue to do so into the evening hours as more of the ones I trust sign online.

The other part of this rule says to treasure them, and I feel like I've been REALLY bad at that.  There's no grey area with me, I'm either really open about things I feel I need to say... or I'm really bad about saying them.  There's no middle ground.  There's no, "Well I kinda said it, but I didn't really say all of it."  Nah, it's all or nothing with me, it seems, and more times than not, that tends to come back and bite me in the ass.

Especially because I have the tendency to be fully able to express when something pisses me off... why it pisses me off... and just how much it pisses me off.  But yet I'm really bad at looking at the people I care the most about, these ladies (well, they are mostly ladies, but some gentlemen too) that have been there through thick and thin... I'm really bad at being able to look at them and tell them just how much I love, treasure, and appreciate them for the individuals that they are first and foremost, and secondly their ability to put up with my shit.

So I guess if any of them are reading it now, then they'll know.  But I think that's going to be something I work on while I try to heal... is being able to tell the people I care about just how much I care about them.  Cause I never know how long I'm going to have them.

I thought I'd have one of them forever.  And I was proven wrong today.  I'm not eager to feel that again.

<3 Tivi

Thursday, June 13, 2013

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #1

(Image found via Google, original watermark preserved.)

Ohai there, Sos.... and others who creep on the Sos blog.  I'm Tivi, and I'm new to the Sos Blog, but not new to blogging.  I figured I'd try my best to work out some stuff in regards to my submission enough to blog it... and yeah, I'm pretty outspoken and shoot straight from the hip, so I'll try my best to not offend.  But if I do, consider this your warning/apology.

I've admittedly been REALLY lacking in inspiration to blog ANYTHING lately, so I kinda thought I was crazy when I first volunteered to blog here as well.  "You can't even keep up with your fashion and dance blogs, and you're going to volunteer to write about your submission too?" Well, whatever.  I've never claimed to not be crazy.  :-D

What's inspired me lately is that I found a notecard in my inventory recently titled "20 Rules To Live By" that I notated I stole from someone's profile.  Unfortunately, I didn't notate WHOSE profile I stole it from, so my apologies there.  I figured I'd start my journey in blogging for Sos by posting an entry about each of these rules... and try my best to relate them to my submission, or my views on D/s and M/s relationships.

First, a few points to note.  I identify as a slave.  I know there are some who probably don't agree, but frankly, it's about how *I* see MYSELF and my own feelings/inclinations in a power exchange.  In that regard, I believe I am a slave.  Some of you will hear jokes/past stories about my being a Switch.  I DID identify that way at one point, and I don't deny it.  But after more intense soul searching and focusing on what REALLY makes me happy... I am a slave... deep down in here somewhere, I am a slave.

Now that that's taken care of... on to Rule #1.

20 Rules to Live By, Rule #1
If you're afraid to fight, then you'll never win.

Some of you who follow my other blogging will note that I have started this series in my fashion blog as well. However, even though I'm writing about the same rules, I'm going to touch on different aspects between here and there.  As here I am free to speak more openly about my submission, as it is much more widely accepted here.

As a submissive or slave, is it ok to fight for what you believe in?  Is it ok to 'fight' for your relationship, if it goes sour?  Is it ok to 'fight' for your Master/Dominant/Mistress/Domme to other people?  Is there ever a point in time in which you will have to 'fight' for your partner against YOURSELF?  Let me see if I can address these points.
  • As a submissive or slave, is it ok to fight for what you believe in?
    • I believe so.  I mean, yes, we are submissives and slaves, and so there are protocols to follow in regards to respect... especially if you are fighting 'against' your Master/Dominant/Mistress/Domme... but even though we are submissives and slaves, we are still people.  As people we still have personal beliefs, morals, core values, etc... and it is our right... our duty, even, as human beings, to fight for those things that we believe in.  How happy would you really be in a relationship if you settled for "Mr./Mrs. Right Now" instead of defending what you know you need and holding our for the one that can meet those needs?  Masters/Dominants/Mistresses/Dommes are not the only ones who hold core values and are held responsible to them.  We as submissives and slaves have our own set of core values, and we are held accountable to them as well, if by no one else, then by ourselves.
  • Is it ok to 'fight' for your relationship, if it goes sour?
    • Again, I believe so.  If for no other reason, I believe this is true because of the nature of the Rule itself: If you're afraid to fight, then you'll never win.  If you're too scared to stand up and fight for your relationship, then what exactly are you showing your partner about the value you place on that relationship?  Pull the Dominant and submissive out of it for a moment.  If you don't 'fight' for your boyfriend/girlfriend when the situation calls for it, you're going to inevitably end up showing them that the relationship just isn't that important to you... that the individual themselves isn't worth fighting for.  Put the D/s and M/s back into it.  Is that REALLY the impression that you as a slave/submissive want to leave on your Master/Mistress/Dominant/Domme?  That they aren't worth your effort?  And same question to the Masters/Mistresses/Dominants/Dommes... do you want to show your slave/submissive that they aren't worth fighting for?  Stereotypically (and I'm not claiming that this is true for every girl, and that it's never true for boys) girls want to be fought for... women want to believe that chivalry is not dead, and that there are a few good ones out there willing to defend their honor if it comes to that.  Again, I'm not saying that this isn't true in reverse, as I believe everything about a relationship is a two-way street.
  • Is it ok to 'fight' for your Master/Dominant/Mistress/Domme to other people?
    • I think this is sitautional.  There are some cases in which it would bring more dishonor to your Owner and your Owner's House to stand up and try to fight Their battles for them.. and it wouldn't really help.  For example, if my Master was involved in an altercation that has absolutely nothing to do with me, I am not involved whatsoever, it would be blatantly disrespectful for me to insert myself into the situation and enter the confrontation, even with the good intention of defending my Owner.  It shows a lack of trust in my Master's ability to defend Himself, and it shows a lack of humility to comprehend that there are some situations that simply don't involve me.  Pick your battles.  Some aren't yours to fight.
  • Is there ever a point in time in which you will have to 'fight' for your partner against YOURSELF?
    • If you would've asked me this 2 weeks ago, I would've said no, and I probably would've laughed.  After all, if you've gone through the necessary soul searching and you've gotten to know the person properly enough, then you should know exactly what you're getting into and have squashed most of, if not all of, your doubts prior to entering into the relationship and ultimately a collar.  HOWEVER, as I'm learning first hand, sometimes things that did not seem like big issues, or things that were explained away in the beginning and you never second guessed it, come back to haunt you in a not so good way.  While you may have to fight against your own sense of doubt, it's also important to objectively look at each of your concerns, just like you would if another person was presenting concerns to you.  A lot of times, we can dismiss these doubts as simply being 'paranoid', especially those of use who have been hurt many times before... but sometimes, if you're not careful, you could ignore something that is actually a legitimate concern
I can't guarantee the length of any of my posts... it just depends on how each of the rules, and later other topics, inspire me and how much I really have to say on the topic.  I promise not to write a giant novel... though for some of you this post might seem like a novel.  Sorry about that.

Just as a last reminder:

20 Rules To Live By, Rule #1
If you're afraid to fight, then you'll never win.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013


What is Shibari? Shibari is a type of rope bondage.

Shibari was created in Japan and was used for a multitude of purposes. But it was not until the 1950's, when Shibari was introduced to M/members of the BDSM lifestyle.


Sunday, June 9, 2013

Diet control

W/we A/all want to be healthy. T/those W/who care for U/us, want U/s to live a long life. But what happens when a Dominant orders their submissive to follow a diet that was not prescribed to them by T/their property's physician? Regardless of the intention, does this command still adhere to the guidelines set forth by SSC?


Sunday, June 2, 2013


There are many misconceptions about the BDSM lifestyle. Or are there? Many think that the main duty of a Dominant is to keep their submissives inline and when they misbehave, to whip them.

F/for T/those that are afraid of pain, this could turn T/them off from the BDSM culture, if T/they didn't know that this civilization didn't have to include that. But what about T/those that enjoy whipping O/others and being whipped?

There are many I/individuals W/who enjoy feeling the whip and whipping O/others. But please be aware that whips can cause the skin to break. If this should occur, please go the nearest medical facility.