What’s waiting on the other side of Patience?
What does having patience mean?
Do you have time for patience?
‘Have patience with all
things, But, first of all with yourself.’ Saint Francis
de Sales
I have always been aware of my impatience to some
extent, and I have been made more and
more aware of the extreme nature of it in my life and mind set recently! Master has showed me the harshness of being
impatient, the intolerance he has for his submissive to be impatient and how
suffocating being impatient can be and how destructive it is in a D/s
relationship or life in general.
In the past when a task required patience, I would become
busy doing things so I would not have to think, feel or wait. And that is what I tried to do with Master.
That was stopped in a Master minute. He
said NO, I want you to feel patience!
Feel patience? Great, I do not
have any let alone have enough to feel! This was bizarre or was it? Since I always “ran away” when life called
for patience I came to the conclusion that lack of patience is synonymous with
being ‘on the run’. There was always a resistance to stopping long enough to
really see what’s in front of me to live in the “NOW” the presences!
The moment I stopped long enough, sat and listened to the
silence. Yes I knelt in the quietness of my room, in the dark and listened to
nothing! It was then I realized that I had patience with everyone except
myself! Moreover, I was afraid of
waiting, I feared that if something I want does not happen right when I want it
to happen, then it will not happen at all, or it will happen differently from
how I want it to happen, than I will be the victim! Therefore when we find
ourselves impatient about something, it is really because we do not trust in
the outcome.
Impatience is a result of lack of trust! Great we are back
to TRUST I thought that issue was handled, I trust Master. I trust him with my
body, mind and soul! But is Master the
one I need to trust or is it myself? Trust
comes from within yourself, you need to trust yourself, your judgments, trust
in the decisions you make! AHH so this
is where patience plays its part. Having
the patience, and in time it will be shown that yes this is the right decision,
I do trust I made the correct judgment in his character. The more patience I have
the more this is clarified.
So therefore when that moment arrives, I will step into Masters,
life as his slave and I will allow myself to serve on his terms, his schedule,
his time. In doing so, I release myself from the stress of future management
and will focus more on the present the now, and be available to him.
So what is waiting on the other side of patience? Many rewards, freedom, presence, a sense of
ease, trust, and love. There’s nothing so loving, as patience.
I cannot begin to thank you enough for this post, Anika. I am so impatient. Not only with myself, which is the big problem, but with anything having to do with me. I feel like time is of the essence and that things must be done right away or they will never happen. It is so comforting to know that someone else has, or has had a similar mind set. Reading your words was creepy, only in the sense that it was everything I was thinking and feeling only moments ago while trying to write my own post on my own blog. You said it all perfectly, and I am not even sure I have ever met you at SOS. I am coming to terms with embracing time. However short it might be. Time with each person, each situation, each passing day, hour, and moment, I am learning to embrace it. I only hope that with embracing time and allowing it to take its course that I can gain all the promises that it brings. Thank you so much for such a wonderfully composed post. You have helped ease the wandering and worrying mind of a lonely submissive.
ReplyDeleteThank you to SOS for facilitating such growth in me. For so many kind words, people, lessons, and fun. SOS is home. Thank you for providing a wonderfully safe atmosphere Sir Mik and your lovely girls.
This is a wonderfully stated post, Anika. It is always a struggle to not only be patient with ourselves (especially those of us who strive for constant perfection) but to truly release the control often sought in this area and serve on our Master's time; not our own.
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