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The appropriateness of Rule #2 scares the crap out of me right now. I thought about not writing today... because I didn't know if I could handle it... but I need to do SOMETHING, and right now, writing seems to be the only thing. I'm going to apologize in advance if my thoughts are all over the place or are incomplete. I'm in a really strange place right now... and so I can't actually guarantee what's going to come out.
20 Rules To Live By, Rule #2
In times of tragedy and turmoil, you'll learn who your true friends are. Treasure them, because they are few and far between.
I've always been aware of the concept of this rule... because I've been a fan of quotes along similar lines. Things about how you don't find out who your true friends are when things are good, but rather when they aren't. Stuff like that. I've always been a firm believe in the pretense that this rule is written off of, but I haven't had to actually live it in awhile.
I just went to check my friend's list. Currently, according to Firestorm, I have 198 people on my friend's list. Some of these are people I call friends, some are people I added for business contacts. I still speak to most of them, given that I do clean my list off fairly frequently to keep it manageable. The point is, that there's all kinds of people on that list, but I am friendly with every one of them. I don't keep people around that I hate just because I'm 'afraid of what they'll say' if I remove them. I'm not like that.
But today, when it feels as though I lost everything, I didn't turn to every one of those people who happened to be online at the time. I mean, if it's my "friends list" then in theory, I should be able to turn to all of them, right? But I can't. Because I keep it as more of a "contacts" list, than a "friends" list.
- First I have to weed out the people that I only keep there for business purposes. I don't want to burden them with my personal problems.
- Then I have to weed out the people that I know wouldn't understand. There are vanilla and BDSM alike on my list... and the vanilla people just wouldn't understand the gravity behind a slave being released. It's so much more intense than "My boyfriend broke up with me."
- Then I have to look at who's actually online. I probably should've done that first, but again, I'm not thinking the clearest.
- And of the people that are remaining, there were still only that select few that I could trust openly enough to just collapse into their IM box and pour out everything I was feeling. All the betrayal, pain, temptations to return to old, unhealthy habits. These are not things that you discuss with just anyone. You don't go to some Joe Schmoe off the street and say, "Hey, guess what, I just had my first colonoscopy today! Doctor said my bowels are really healthy!" In the same way, you don't go around to just anyone and spout off the nature of your relationship problems, when they are this deep.
And so, I kinda had to live the process of finding out who my true friends are, today... and I will continue to do so into the evening hours as more of the ones I trust sign online.
The other part of this rule says to treasure them, and I feel like I've been REALLY bad at that. There's no grey area with me, I'm either really open about things I feel I need to say... or I'm really bad about saying them. There's no middle ground. There's no, "Well I kinda said it, but I didn't really say all of it." Nah, it's all or nothing with me, it seems, and more times than not, that tends to come back and bite me in the ass.
Especially because I have the tendency to be fully able to express when something pisses me off... why it pisses me off... and just how much it pisses me off. But yet I'm really bad at looking at the people I care the most about, these ladies (well, they are mostly ladies, but some gentlemen too) that have been there through thick and thin... I'm really bad at being able to look at them and tell them just how much I love, treasure, and appreciate them for the individuals that they are first and foremost, and secondly their ability to put up with my shit.
So I guess if any of them are reading it now, then they'll know. But I think that's going to be something I work on while I try to heal... is being able to tell the people I care about just how much I care about them. Cause I never know how long I'm going to have them.
I thought I'd have one of them forever. And I was proven wrong today. I'm not eager to feel that again.
<3 Tivi
Tivi,
ReplyDeleteI'll always be there for you.
Sarah
I'm sure I, along with others, would appreicate only respectful comments be posted on inviduals' blog entries here. Please and thank you.
ReplyDeleteWell if anyone reading that thinks it not respectful I am sure it will be removed. My opinion which you must expect when you post a blog, is that one must not turn bitter and vindictive after a breakup along with some of the other points made in the link I provided. That is very respectful as it is a warning of the dangers of what a person can become after a breakup if they do not own your part in it and tend to only cast the blame on the other party. It fits quite well with the body of your post in my opinion which again you must expect when you write a open blog. If it struck a nerve perhaps some reflection is in order.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your reply,
Master Merlin
Nothing there was bitter, Sir. In fact, there were other things that could've been said that weren't. The breakup was not even the focus of the post. The rule was, which was also made very clear.
ReplyDeleteAnd in fact, I even focused more on my inability to express how much I care about MY FRIENDS than I did on the breakup.
In my personal opinion, and in the opinion of others who have read the post that I have asked, I focused on EVERYTHING else mentioned in this post much more than the breakup. And have even mentioned said breakup more times in this comment than I did in the blog post.
I would very much appreciate it if You would lighten up in Your constant attempts to find something wrong in everything I say. It's exhausting. And it's been noticed.
And again since perhaps you missed it my link that was posted was not necessarily about you Tivi. The link i provided and my following comment was addressed to anyone who may read it as a caution of what to be careful not to do. But if you would like to take that link personal and not see its validity as a add on and good advice to anyone who may read your post again you are welcome to disagree. This is not about you but you seem to make it and other things said totally about you. I picked up on one portion of your blog and decided to comment on it and add some what i thought was some helpful advice to anyone going through what the writer posted I am truly sorry you are not able to see it for what it was and choose to take it personal due to what ever feelings you have about me... I hope we can get past this and you can see it was not a personal attack it was purely extra advice and a attempt to provide further help to anyone who may need it.
ReplyDeleteMaster Merlin
Sorry the original link got lost for those who wish to see here it is again...
ReplyDeletehttp://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/9-people-you-become-after-a-breakup/
hope everyone finds this useful.
"It fits quite well with the body of your post in my opinion"
ReplyDeleteThat is quoted directly from your comment. When fact of the matter is, it doesn't. The post was mine to make, out of my own head and my own thoughts about the rule in question. If I felt it was advantageous to include that link in *my own entry* I would have. However, I did not.
If you'd like to write on break-ups, awesome, more power to you. Throw the link in there. This post was NOT about break-ups, but about friendships. Which you seem to have missed in your attempts to attack everything I say.
I have never once attacked only clarified. But thank you for the suggestion I actually have been searching for another topic and that one seems very appropriate in light of recent events across the grid. So thank you for your thoughtful suggestion.
ReplyDeleteMaster Merlin